Basically, I'm sad everyday. That's nothing new, I've been like this since I was like, 10. But at night it gets worse and I start to dwell on the fact that I don't have any friends. And I mean I that I don't have ANY friends, not that I have a few friends. I have nobody. And I hate when strangers tell me it'll get better and that "it's okay." Because it won't get better and it's so fucking not okay. And I want to die so badly, every second thought I have. But I have this dumb ass fucking fear about the afterlife and whether it exists. And that fear is the only thing keeping me alive and I'm trying so hard to get over it. Even my Grandma said "I'm not going to tell you not to do it, people who commit suicide piss me off." It's maybe time to let go for real. For real, for real.