So I have a plan to end my life...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by I_hate_my_life, Sep 3, 2011.

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  1. I_hate_my_life

    I_hate_my_life New Member

    Recently I have been so depressed for seriously hundreds of reasons but only the most recent one has kept me from living my life for the past 6 months. I'm in LOVE with my best friends wife and the worse part is she doesn't even want anything to do with me, even as a friend. She probably knows I'm attracted to her but she doesn't know the extent of it. She doesn't like me because I'm overweight and shes use to being around "hot" guys since middle school. Shes all I think about day and night. I can't sleep, eat, think, enjoy life because of her. I even lost my job because the thought of not having her makes me not want to do anything so I got fired do to attendance. Theres so much I could tell you about it but that would take a trilogy of novels. This is just a very brief history. So shes pregnant and having a baby in the beginning of November. My plan is to commit suicide on that day once I get the call shes in the emergency room. I will also have pre written letters to both my best friend and her. I'm suppose to be the godfather thats why I'll get a call from my best friend (she doesn't want me as the godfather). Next week is my birthday and I plan to buy xxx because I think that would be the easiest way to do it. Believe me, I don't want to die but I can't live anymore. I need to end my suffering. I just needed to tell someone, I can't tell anyone I know or they will try to stop me. I don't need them lying to me about how much the "care" about me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are having obsessive thoughts hun go to your doctor get assessed by a pdoc and get on meds to help you You want what you cannot have; that is what is happening here. Go out and find a girl one that will respect you and love you like you are wanting , a girl that is available hugs:hugtackles:
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forums. :hug: Sorry to hear that you're in despair and that the girl you like is not available to you. With caring...Mr. A
  4. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    How do you fall in love with a woman that doesn't even want to be friends with you? Are you attracted to her looks? What is it about her that is driving you so crazy?

    You knew she was your best friends wife, I can't imagine how you let such thoughts about his wife ever cross your mind, and they are getting ready to have a baby together, that's not good.

    What are these letters about that you wrote to the two of them? Would you care to share it with us? Your taking a day that is supposed to be one of the happiest days of this woman's life, and turning into a day she will never be able to forget as a tragedy.

    When you genuinely love someone, you want that person to be happy, and you would never do anything to cause them pain. Ever..

    You are having feelings of obsession, that doesn't mean that you don't love her, it's just that your feelings are more consumed around illusion, a fantasy of what could be, since you know it's a relationship that will very likely never happen.

    Rather than finding your happiness from within, your looking at her as a reason for your happiness, and your denying yourself self love. I feel like if you genuinely cared about yourself, you wouldn't want to give your life up for a person that doesn't even care about being friends with you, you wouldn't want to give it up for anyone for all that matters.

    I know it hurts but while your waiting for november, give yourself a chance to get better from this. Go see a therapist. Get on some medication that can control obsessive thoughts. You owe yourself that much to at least try.
  5. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    I'm no doctor but I don't think there is a medication out there that effectively deals with helping to not love someone, so I wouldn't suggest medication for this. There seems to be this tendency for some to think oh something is wrong so get some pills or medication. But that often can make things even worse due to the nature of the drugs and how they are prescribed. Therapy might have some benefits but would probably only scratch the surface. Although everyone could probably use a good therapist in their life.

    I think you need time and strength. You don't have much to lose in not giving up. Rely on time to help you. And make all the logical choices that makes you feel healthy. Best diet, exercise, logical choices and whatever can make you more happy.

    Sorry I couldn't be more help atm.

    But I would really warn against a sort of medicated spiral into dependency on drugs, because of your current crisis which is causing feelings of depression. Some people turn to alcohol, sedatives or weed. I turned to smoking. Just would not advise it.

    please don't end your life and reconsider.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2011
  6. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    You don't love her. You're obsessed with her. I don't think you even talk to or know her very well. You love the her that's in your head and not the real person, since she apparently wants nothing to do with you. You'll be ruining the birth of her son if you kill yourself and deliver those letters. Neither of them will probably like you very much if you do that, honestly. I know that's a hurtful thought, but really. Try to put you in her shoes. She'll just be weirded out, trust me.

    I think you're stronger than this, by the way. You'll find that putting women who don't care for you in the way that you want them to behind you will be no big deal at all. If you actually try to not be obsessive, you'll take rejection much better, I'm not even fucking kidding you here. There are literally millions of other women out there, why obsess over one when there are others who aren't taken and will actually care for you in the way that you want them to?

    Stop this self-destructive behavior. If you cared about yourself, you'd stop objectifying her and thinking of her as your route to happiness. You need to find happiness and love within yourself before you find it with anyone else. That's a fact.
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it these days. "Unrequited love" is so hard, wouldn't it be more fun to find a girl is available to love you and be love in return, instead?

    Also, want to note that I've read about meds that help with obsessive compulsive disorder, but a doctor is the only person who can provide you with (1) a diagnosis and (2) the right guidance for meds (if any) that would help you.

    Please think about meeting other women...You deserve better than longing and yearning like this. :hug:
  8. thingsaregonnachange

    thingsaregonnachange Well-Known Member

    I know that to you it might seem like the world, but trust me, love is no reason to end yourself.

    Love is mostly an illusion; a device evolution created to assure we procreate.

    You will find your real love, and it's not her, trust me.
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