Recently I have been so depressed for seriously hundreds of reasons but only the most recent one has kept me from living my life for the past 6 months. I'm in LOVE with my best friends wife and the worse part is she doesn't even want anything to do with me, even as a friend. She probably knows I'm attracted to her but she doesn't know the extent of it. She doesn't like me because I'm overweight and shes use to being around "hot" guys since middle school. Shes all I think about day and night. I can't sleep, eat, think, enjoy life because of her. I even lost my job because the thought of not having her makes me not want to do anything so I got fired do to attendance. Theres so much I could tell you about it but that would take a trilogy of novels. This is just a very brief history. So shes pregnant and having a baby in the beginning of November. My plan is to commit suicide on that day once I get the call shes in the emergency room. I will also have pre written letters to both my best friend and her. I'm suppose to be the godfather thats why I'll get a call from my best friend (she doesn't want me as the godfather). Next week is my birthday and I plan to buy xxx because I think that would be the easiest way to do it. Believe me, I don't want to die but I can't live anymore. I need to end my suffering. I just needed to tell someone, I can't tell anyone I know or they will try to stop me. I don't need them lying to me about how much the "care" about me.