so i have been laying awake the past few hours..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hbk, Mar 31, 2009.

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  1. hbk

    hbk New Member

    ...just thinking about ways to kill myself..I have no idea what to do, I fucked up bad and took a few thousand dollars my mother gave me for rent and pissed it away on nonsense...its finally caught up to me and I need to pay rent. My mother will be heartbroken when she finds out i lied, she may even disown me. Im a terrible person, I would rather kill myself than live the rest of my life with mom hating me. I feel like I have no way out.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. I had the exact same experience...several times. Each time, I tried to make it right and was forgiven. Eventually, I stopped...but it took a long time and the guilt I carried over the years was one of the reasons that brought me here. My situation was especially hurtful to my family because it was for drugs or gambling. I'm hoping you'll be forgiven also. Feel free to send me a private message!
  3. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    People make mistakes, some small, some huge! However it is those mistakes that we learn from and try to move past somehow. You mom may be upset with you , she may even get a bit angry, but if you and your mom have a good relationship then hate you? No, most mothers have the type of love goes beyond that.

    Don't go out and do something stupid, because that will hurt her even worse than you spending the money she gave you.

    Are you bipolar? I am, and i have had a problem in the past when i get manic or even upset at the smallest things, i want to go out and spend spend spend reluctantly!

    If you need someone to talk to, please pm me anytime
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey HBK,
    Welcome to the forum!!You should step up and just tell your mom instead of letting it festor inside of you.. She will probably be disappointed in you but love will shine through.. I doubt she is going to hang on to it.. Maybe next time have her make out a check straight to your landlord.. Then you won't have that temptation again..
  5. hbk

    hbk New Member

    Yea this is what im like with money...I spend money and I know I shouldn't and I know don't even have the money to spend and I just feel awful. Sometimes I do get upset and obsessed over the smallest stuff.

    The thing that hurts me the most that even though I know that there is nothing to be ashamed of when I feel depressed and such and I really can't help it. I still feel like a whiny loser cause I really have had a great life and nothing to be upset over
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