18. I'm now legally able to smoke and drink my problems away. This is what I intend to do most nights.
The two fucking people I want to be here, are not, and cannot be. For one (my girlfriend), she is not even in the same fucking hemisphere as me, so money is a problem - it costs too much for her to come here at the moment. For the other, even all the money in the world won't bring him back (he died in January 2004, and would have been 18 in ten days from now).
I have not enough friends to celebrate what should be a goddamn milestone.
I just want to bleed. So fucking heavily. I want to bleed to within an inch of death. But every time I cut, my goddamn bitch mother notices and cracks the shits. I suppose it would be bad if she didn't care, but I just wish she would realise how goddamn helpful it really is if done in moderation.
IS IT JUST SO GODDAMN MUCH TO NEED A HUG. SOMETHING TO EASE THIS PAIN AND FRUSTRATION THAT I'VE BEEN FEELING SINCE FUCKING MARCH. E-HUGS MAKE ME EVEN ANGRIER - THEY ARE NOT REAL AND JUST ADD TO THE FACT THAT THE PERSONS FAR AWAY AND NOT PHYSICALLY HUGGING ME.
I'M A FUCKING INTIMATE GUY OKAY. ITS WRONG TO BE THIS, APPARENTLY. OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS DROUGHT FOR 9 FUCKING MONTHS.
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BULLSHIT
I'M SO LONELY IT ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY HURTS.
:blub:
The two fucking people I want to be here, are not, and cannot be. For one (my girlfriend), she is not even in the same fucking hemisphere as me, so money is a problem - it costs too much for her to come here at the moment. For the other, even all the money in the world won't bring him back (he died in January 2004, and would have been 18 in ten days from now).
I have not enough friends to celebrate what should be a goddamn milestone.
I just want to bleed. So fucking heavily. I want to bleed to within an inch of death. But every time I cut, my goddamn bitch mother notices and cracks the shits. I suppose it would be bad if she didn't care, but I just wish she would realise how goddamn helpful it really is if done in moderation.
IS IT JUST SO GODDAMN MUCH TO NEED A HUG. SOMETHING TO EASE THIS PAIN AND FRUSTRATION THAT I'VE BEEN FEELING SINCE FUCKING MARCH. E-HUGS MAKE ME EVEN ANGRIER - THEY ARE NOT REAL AND JUST ADD TO THE FACT THAT THE PERSONS FAR AWAY AND NOT PHYSICALLY HUGGING ME.
I'M A FUCKING INTIMATE GUY OKAY. ITS WRONG TO BE THIS, APPARENTLY. OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS DROUGHT FOR 9 FUCKING MONTHS.
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BULLSHIT
I'M SO LONELY IT ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY HURTS.
:blub: