So, I might have cancer.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hanging_Hope, Sep 17, 2009.

  1. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    I don't know what to think of this. It gives me a blank emotion.

    My health hasn't been so good for the past few months. I've lost more weight than I should have, I can't sleep no matter what, I'm constantly feeling weak. The first few days when I got to Japan I was quite well. But then it turned over again and I ended up feeling way more ill than before. I blamed everything to my depression and isomnia, but turns out there's more to it.

    I've been coughing a lot randomnly this last month; At first I thought I had the new flu, but I'm not sure anymore. I'm a former smoker and also a passive smoker, since both of my parents always smoked a lot. I even coughed blood a few days ago, and my cousin made me go to the hospital for a check up. They as well thought it was a symptom of the flu, since things in Japan are also pretty hectic with this whole thing.

    The doctors checked me and everything; They looked pretty serious, they also made me take a blood test and told me to come back on Monday for another check up. They must have told my aunt something, and he keeps avoiding eye contact with me as much as possible. I'm sure it's something bad, and I keep thinking that it might be lung cancer.

    I seriously don't know what to think about this. It seems like a joke at the most. I had the urge to laugh at myself because of that the other day. I mean, this would be the cherry on top of the cake. I thought things couldn't get worse, but look, they're actually getting worse.

    Maybe that way, I won't even have to try to die. It'll just flow naturally on its own. I just wish that before I do die, that I manage to feel happy for even just a minute. That there will be someone who will love me and hold me and tell me that it's okay, that he'll actually really love me for who I am and won't pretend just to please me, that there will be someone who will say these three words and mean them- That's basically all I'm asking for. I don't want to spend a week in a super expensive luxery hotel, I don't want to accomplish my craziest dream, I just want to be loved. But that will probably never happen. And never is such a short termed word right now...Sorry I sounded so melodramatic...
    I was right when I thought that maybe I'm just not meant to be. If I learn that I do have cancer, I'm just going to stare at everyone blankly. It'll leave me emotionless. It'll be another dead end that won't go away.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please do not jump to conclusions there could be a million reasons your blood count is out. Waiting for a diagnois can be hard i know i have gone through this many time assured it was cancer but came back with another diagnosis. Hang in there and stay here for support okay no matter the outcome we are here for you.
     
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    violets right. it could be nothing. just stay strong
     
  4. physician

    physician Well-Known Member

    hmmm if u r over 18, doctor's are not allowed to tell anybody such a thing except you.

    u should know first
     
  5. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Yes, there's a number of conditions it could be besides cancer. If you've lost a lot of weight and are coughing up blood, it could be tuberculosis. It takes a long time, but it's something which they can heal.

    Chaeya
     
  6. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    Thanks everyone.

    I'll be going there on Monday; I'll know then, I hope.
    My health hasn't improved so far though. Maybe it's worsened, actually. I coughed blood again today, and the stupid cough just won't stop.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Let us know what you find out. Coughing up blood could be because your esphogaus has been irritated from all the coughing you have been doing. It does not have to mean anything serious. Try not to panic. Regardless of what you find out, we will be here for you. Take care. :hug:
     
  8. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    So? Are you ok?