So I used to have a sister

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LincolnToon, Dec 10, 2010.

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  1. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    A few years ago I was told I used to have a sister. She was born and died before I was born, so in some ways people could say that she did not matter to me. She did.

    There are so many questions, and so few answers. The pain and trauma of this, and the mystery of her death screws me up so much, and makes me realise why I have been so depressed for so many years.

    Ireally don't know what to do as these feelings can never go. They hound me constantly.

  2. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It's bound to. I can't imagine finding out something like that. You must have so many questions about her and you must feel like something is missing. It must be an awful position to be in as you want to know more yet you can't ask for fear of upsetting your parents. I can imagine that you feel like your feelings about it are brushed aside as you never knew her yet you wonder what life would be like if she was there.

    Have you tried counselling or anything like that. It could possibly help you to address these feelings.

    Welcome to SF also.
  3. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Hi Golden, and thanks fro the swift reply. Parents split up when I was very young, and I always felt my dad did not care much. Turned out it was the opposite! Family on both sides kept it secret from me for over 20 years, so that did not help.

    Self-harmed for many years before I knew I even had a sister, so can't help but feel the emotional problems around me caused my issues. Saying that, my deep depression will not go away. Single admission to hospital for stab wound drew no sympathy from the surgeon - he swabbed my injury without any anaesthetic to teach me a lesson over wasting his time. No real surprise there.

    Am not looking for sympathy, and to be honest I don't know why I am here, other than perhaps to feel reasured by others who are going through the same problems. I often want to end everything, I really really do; but do not want to hurt those around me by doing so.
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It's very likely that grwing up in that way caused the depression. I read a study not long a go about how being brought up by parents or caregivers who have depression you are much more likely to have it yourself. I thought it was to do with genetics etc but unconsciously it feeds in to you through actions etc. It's really interesting...if you want I will forward you the's 40 pages long though so not light reading.

    I know what recieving substandard oppressive care from hospital is like. I have been there many times.

    Maybe, go see your GP, explain to him/her what has gone on and you want some kind of therapy. Take it one step at a time and go from there.

  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I think that you can definitely learn negative behaviour patterns from your parents without even being aware that you're doing so.
    I also think that now you've found out about your sister, its natural for you to grieve for her. Not just for her but for what might have been.
    I lost two children many years ago and I've never got over it. I have learned to live with it though and I think that's the best you can hope for.
    You can get more help for the depression. You can learn coping strategies and there are meds. You don't have to live with those feelings constantly.
    The surgeon who treated you should have been disciplined for causing you further pain and failing to take into account your mental health. The man should have it made clear to him that its not acceptable to treat vulnerable people in that way. What he did is called bullying.
    Sending hugs,
  6. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Hey OP,

    Thats happened to my mate before she's 14 now. She was in a similar situation what helped hher was speaking about it to her family aand getting answers but sometimes it can bring memories back that make parents cry, but it's good to cry. You may also want to talk to a cousiller or GP as my friend did which helped her alot :)
    tc x
  7. codkid

    codkid Member

    I have family problems as well. parents got divorced when I was very young and dad moved away. Guess you could say I have "daddy issues" but have been reunited with him in a sense recently which has improved my life ten fold. guess you could also say I have "mommy issues" as well. I really think she had no idea how to raise a child, let alone a boy, by herself. I believe she felt it was her fault for the divorce also so that did not help things. I'll spare you the details but it really was her fault and I feel like I got screwed over because of it. Anyways, in the past I have felt that empty hole that you are feeling right now, but if you push through it and find some answers, which you probably still can, you'll receive closure and have a better life because of it, just like I did.

    I have also had feelings of suicide, but held back because I didn't want to hurt my mother and grandparents. If anything, it's good that you have compassion for your parents and/or others that you know care about you and who you also care about.
  8. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    Catherine C I am sorry to have brought up memories of your children, if that has brought difficult times for you. our comments are very hepfull

    Golden, I would very much like to read the journal paper as it may help me. You are someone whom I can see immediately as a friend who understands things.
  9. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I was adopted at birth, given to people that should have not been allowed to adopt.
    When i found my birth mother, she too was very hard to deal with. She died from the bottle a few years ago.
    Losing someone who has a blood connection but that you barely know is very hard to explain, for me it was like a piece of my history had gone, one that i had no memories of.
    But loss it is, they are all gone now and although i do not miss any of them, i miss the fact i have no family unit what so ever.
    But i have myself.
    All of us deal with lifes hurdles in different ways and thats ok, as long as we do it with love and good intention, then we can not go far wrong.
  10. LincolnToon

    LincolnToon Member

    My sister died as a baby because my mum fell on her. Why did she do that? Because the doctor gave her a massive dosage of depressant at the time. She was a total space cadet (I have the photos of her looking vacant and white as a sheet), and fainted whilst carying my sister. Of course the doctor did not get into trouble as he was untouchable being in the medical profession at the time in the 1970s.

    My parents split up when I was very young, and my dad recently told me that he did not think my mum even knew about my sister, that was how messed up she was because of the doctor at the time.

    It has been very difficult to cope with, but I have to say that people such as GoldenPsych have made me realise that forums like this are able to show we are not alone.

    Depression is a very selfish thing in that we constantly focus on our own personal issues, and how we struggle to cope with them. The suicide forum shows we are not alone and allows us to discuss our problems with like minded people.

    Take care

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