So I was assaulted again

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Izziebabystar, Apr 14, 2016.

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  1. Izziebabystar

    Izziebabystar Well-Known Member

    So a friend moved away. We organised a trip up so I could see her. The first day and a half was amazing. She had organised a night at her friends for us the second night. It was my friend, her partner, me and her friend. We all went to the pub for a few drinks and then back to her friends.

    The evening started out great. Her friend made us all chilli for the. We were all drunk and pretty stoned aswell. Then it came time for bed.

    I made of point of telling her friend I would see him the next morning. I went to the room I had been given and tried to sleep. Next thing I know he came into my room.

    He said he had nowhere to sleep. I laid there pretending to be asleep. He got into bed. I thought he would go to sleep. He didn't. He started running his dirty hands all over me. I just laid there I thought he would give up.

    He pulled down my leggings and kept trying to roll me over. He kept shoving his hand between my legs and I just laid there. He couldn't get me onto my back so he gave up and went to sleep. I laid there for over an hour. I needed to be sure he was asleep. I got myself dressed and went downstairs to find myself face o face with his 9 year old son. What could I have done!

    I put on a brave face and settled on the sofa. We were in the middle of nowhere. He was a single dad! How could I tell anyone now! The next morning came. I avoided him like the plague. He took me to my transport stop and I left. I got home hours later and scrubbed myself red. I washed everything that had come with me.

    But what could I do. My daughter was on her way home. I had to put on that face and act like everything was OK.

    Days later I knew I had to report it. So I did. Back and forth weeks of questions and the police trying to pick at holes. Something. Didn't add up. No further action to be taken.

    My friend. She took his side! She told me to drop the charges. Why would I want to put myself through the court system. She got what she wanted. The case didn't make it to court. Now 6 months later I'm still broken.

    It's not just what he did to me. He also opened up those memories to the months of rape I put up with from a violent partner. The fact that my beautiful perfect daughter was a product of those months of rape.

    So here I am. In the middle of a nervous breakdown. Desperately clinging to keep my head above water when I know I'm drowning.

    I'm not a bad mum. I love my daughter. I she wasn't here I would be dead. I think I want to be dead. But I can't leave her.

    So I fight day after day to keep myself alive. To be the happy mummy. To go to work. To keep studying at uni. To keep lying to my family that I'm ok.

    The family that doesn't know I was raped or abused or in domestic abuse relationships. They try to help but how can they. They don't know why I'm suffering.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    *hugs* I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am glad to hear that you reported it. What about reaching out for professional help? Is telling your family that you were abused an option for you?
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am terribly sorry for what happened and what this put you through. I'm glad you did report it though.

    But hun, you need to get some help with this. Rape and assault just doesn't go away. You need propper help to get you through this and how to deal with this and how to survive. Please allow yourself that help

    *hugs*

    Stay strong hun
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is awfully saddening, what a dirt bag he is. I am so sorry for what you went through. It's a big ordeal and to think your ''friend'' took his side pffff! With friends like that....you will never need an enemy! I'm glad you have spoken to us about what happened! Do you feel at ease talking about it now, have you seen a counsellor about this topic, if not then i'd highly recommend it. big hugs ((hug))
     
  5. Izziebabystar

    Izziebabystar Well-Known Member

    I tried to speak to my gp earlier this year. When I first realised i wasn't coping. I booked the appointment for a different reason. So I delt with that and tried to bring this up. The Dr told me he didn't have time to speak about anything. I left and phoned my best friend and told her what happened. I was in tears. she told me to go back in and tell them I needed to be seen. So u went back in and spoke to the receptionist. I had a breakdown to the point they hid me in the staff room as I was 'upsetting others' she told me to wait and left the room. Came back and said all the Drs were too busy to see me.
    I broke down even more but they sent me away. I haven't been back since. Even for other problems I've had going on.

    I've been referred to do the freedom programme again.by my daughters school.

    Also referred for solution based therapy which starts tomorrow but I don't think I'm going. And also eye movement desensitisation which starts in a week or so.

    But I don't think solution based therapy is what's right for me. I do think I need to talk about it all. But I can't. They only way I'm able to open up is when I'm literally having a breakdown. If I'm given anytime to calm down that's it I can't talk about it. So I don't know what I'm going to do
     
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You should try to make an appointment with your doctor again, this time making sure this is the only thing on the agenda (sadly a doctors time with a patient is limited, here they have 15 and sometimes only 10 minutes or less to see a patient), or directly contact a therapist.

    Have you tried to contact the local or national rape association (or how it's called) and asked them if they could recommend a therapist with experience in these things?

    I am so sorry you were treated that way when you needed support, hun. But please don't give up on yourself!
     
  7. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    RAINN is the national rape and incest organization. Their website is very helpful. I've gone on it a lot in the past after my assaults. I'm very sorry that this happened to you and that this experience opened up old wounds. I am very happy that you love your daughter so and that she is an inspiration to you to keep living. I really hope you feel better soon and can get the help you need. Are there any women's shelters near you? Sometimes they offer free therapy. Even if it's only for a few sessions, then they can probably help you find someone else. Best of luck to you. We support you here! *hugs*
     
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am so sorry that you suffered such an ordeal. No doubt you feeling low and hurting from such trauma. I understand that you trying to cope but you cannot do on you own. You are in no way to blame yourself for this experience.

    You need to see a therapist about the experience and talk about as no doubt you suffering from PSTD. Be strong, if possible, for your daughter as really needs YOU.
     
  9. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I think that you should do the solution based therapy - any kind of therapy is pretty hard to get in the UK and not addressing things isn't going to help the problem. I am sorry that you are so upset and in such a bad way and nobody seems to want to listen - that is horrible - but the solution based therapy will help you learn to advocate for yourself to protect yourself. Pretending to be asleep while a guy gets into your bed and then fondles you is not a safe coping mechanism - solution based therapy will help you look at what caused you to do that instead of saying "No - get out" when he said he had nowhere to sleep. He is obviously a massive skeezeball and I am sorry that you went through this, but it is important that you learn to vocalise in the future to protect yourself - you deserve that - to be able to say a very loud "FUCK NO" when a strange man comes into your room rather than pretending to be asleep.

    Doctors in the UK can really really suck - and doctor's receptionists are trained to be mean I am pretty sure. But avoiding getting help is a similar "no action" coping strategy that in the end only damages you. Again the solution based therapy is important here because just talking about it isn't going to give you any tools going forward. Talking might be cathartic but it isn't helpful - that is why CBT/DBT/Solution Based Therapies exist - to address the behaviours that are dangerous. "Doing Nothing" is a dangerous and damaging behaviour that needs to be addressed. Both for your own safety and for the welfare of your daughter - she needs you!
     
    NYJmpMaster likes this.
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