...and smack dab in front of me appeared a mountain. Oh I tried to walk around it, but it was too far. I tried to push it out of the way, but it was too heavy. I tried to climb over it, but it was too high. I am tired, so tired of trying. I need my car fixed. I need to have money. I want to drink so badly, I feel like if I dont get a drink now, I will surely explode. I do feel like a ticking timebomb. Ready to go off, at any moment. I do have faith and find comfort in that. (Dont want to and can't let this get religious). I can't be the person I need to be. I have tried for 42 years to be strong. I am too tired to go on trying. I just wish I could go to bed. And sleep for more than 6 hours without getting a back ache. I am starting to ramble. Existing, not living, that's what I do.