Here's a question for you. What happens when you take a manic depressive, suicidal tendency alcoholic and throw in perceived problems? Well for me, that results in despair, chaois, intense sadness, and the road to insanity and death. I have 89,000+ miles on my car. My car is my survival. Without it, I am doomed. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have piss poor credit and am a couple days away from having a chapter 13 bankruptcy filed. So it is, that my car will need brakes. As a matter of fact, at one time during the weekend, I cried openly to my mother on the phone, because I didnt think I would be able to get the money together to get the car fixed. She is going to help me with that. Then....I convinced myself that for whatever reason my tranmission was about to go. I think the car is driving the way it is, because it could prolly use some new plugs, and then that brake deal. I think it needs it's rotors shaved or replaced. I can't check the trans fluid level on my car, as it doesnt have a dipstick, JIMMY! (sorry that dipstick Jimmy thing is from a tv commercial-tried to add a little humor to what is actually a pathetic thread). And so it was, that in my alcohol driven state of mind, that I went to AA last night and told the guys goodbye. Now I have no way of really knowing what is going on with my car. I tend to project the worst case scenario ALL THE TIME. So it is really stupid of me to take it to the level of wanting to die, based on some unknown, unrealized thing. Here's the rub. Since those thoughts came back into my head, the projections have gotten worse. For example, well the car is going to crap out sometime or another and I know I wont be able to get another one. I still miss my wife and it pains me to see her. I can't face my life alone, and I KNOW I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS ALONE! That kind of crap. Which is why, my life/death meter has spiked back the wrong way.