• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

So i wrote this letter

LukaRedgrave

On Satur(n)days we used to sleep
#1
Suicidal notes/letters are almost mandatory when we plan to kill ourselves. I started writing mine a while ago and its aimed at the only person i could care about if im gone: my mom, Everyone else can go fuck themselves, including those "friends" who no longer talk to me or care about me.

While some people write these as a way to blame someone for what they did, mine is just myself opening up my heart, as im not blaming anyone but myself for the way i feel or the decision im making. I explain that i've felt alone, sad, empty and unnecessary for a long time, how i've come to realize my life has no meaning or purpose at all and how i basically wasted it by not achieving anything at all.

Also i tell how i have no one to talk to about my struggles or feelings, and how much i've needed it these years, but it never happened, and i hope my mom or anyone who reads it understands the weight im bearing within my heart every single day. She knows most of the friends i¿ve had but she's not aware a lot of them dont even talk to me anymore.

I later go into a few details about how i've lost many friends on the road, and how i've never found anyone who truly loves me and how all of those things affected my self-steem and the concept i have about myself as a person, but then again, a lot of the more personal stuff will die along with me, since i still dont think anyone will care about it.

I also beg of her not to judge me for what i did, knowing that she'll obviously feel very sad, but also disappointed because she's always considered me as a strong person" (i have no idea why, since im a weak ass coward), and i thank her for everything she's done throughout my entire life: she has always supported me and listed to me up to a certain extent, but even so, there are things she cannot help me with, no matter how much i need it. I also ask her to take care of my cat, since i dont want him to be abandoned cause im no longer there.

I've saved it on my laptop and i tend to read it from time to time, and i usually edit or add new stuff before saving it again for when the moment comes...
 
#2
I'm glad you've at least had at least one positive person in your life.

Have you felt equally suicidal all year, or are the seasonal fluctuation for you?
i basically wasted it by not achieving anything at all.
What thing would you have achieved that would have felt like a real accomplishment?
 

LukaRedgrave

On Satur(n)days we used to sleep
#3
Have you felt equally suicidal all year, or are the seasonal fluctuation for you?
I've been dealing with this for years, and trust me, this year didn't help AT ALL
What thing would you have achieved that would have felt like a real accomplishment?
Traveling to places i've always wanted to visit, having a degree, having my own house or car, being on a long term relationship meant to last, having an actual talent or skill...
 
#4
Do you think there could be some new, unexpected thing that would represent a real accomplishment for you, or is that list of accomplishments complete and set in stone?

Could there be a several smaller accomplishments that could add up to something?
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$305.00
Goal
$255.00
Top