So I XXXX in my closet...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ArgumentGuy, Nov 9, 2011.

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  1. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    I own a couple of guns. One I just use to play with at the target range, two of the others I have for their historical interest. And then there's another one...

    It's a black powder kit pistol, you know, one that you can build yourself. It's just a single shot pistol, not really good for home defense or hunting or anything like that, but sometimes, a single shot is all you need.

    It's a muzzleloader, which means that you have to load it from the top like one of the muskets used in the Revolutionary War. It takes a long time to load, with several steps to it. Each step gives you time to think. Think about the terrible turn that life has taken to lead to this moment. Time to think and decide whether or not it is the right thing to do.

    So far, I've never come close to loading that pistol for it's intended purpose. But tonight, as I write, that pistol looks awfully tempting.

    It seems that the planets have aligned to screw me over in every way. School, family, friends, relationships, money, everything just seems to fall apart at the slightest touch. And there's nothing I can do to put the pieces together again.

    I don't know what to do anymore. The pistol calls to me. And I'm not sure how long I can resist its call anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2011
  2. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    I don't think that pistol is the way to go. I think it's an awful way to resolve your problems. I would much rather that you don't commit suicide. You're worth so damn much and you don't even realize it.

    I want you to elaborate on your life.
     
  3. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    My parents want me to move out of their house, but my credit isn't the greatest, so I would need a cosigner to get a lease. But my parents won't cosign anything for me, and neither will anyone else. So they'll kick me out, and I'll be on the street.

    I'm supposed to be in class Tuesdays and Thursdays, but lately I haven't been able to afford the $2 bus fare to make it to class. I can't do the work in some of my classes because I can't afford the travel, and my grades are starting to collapse, and this quarter is pretty much sunk.

    I just started a job after being unemployed for two years, but the job is 35 miles away, part time and minimum wage. I'll barely afford to make it to work, and I'm not guaranteed to be there after the holidays. I donate plasma to make a little money, but for the past month or so I haven't been able to donate because my blood work was abnormal. I'm still waiting on my last test.

    I have no close friends that are willing to help me out at all, and I haven't been in a romantic relationship in over four years.

    What I'm worth and what i am are two different things.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2011
  4. Chronny Depp

    Chronny Depp Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    Eagles is right! You are worth more to the world than you will ever know. If you end it now, you'll never know how awesome your life could've been! What about the things that made you happy?

    I think you should leave the gun a little bit further than your closet, just so there isn't as much temptation.

    Remember we care about you! So please think hard about all the reasons you have to resist!

    Stay Strong!
     
  5. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    Deep inside you you have the strength to resist touching this pistol - i believe in you - you've already completed a positive step and posted on these forums asking for help.

    YOU have the power, you are in control, have faith in yourself, trust yourself and love yourself.

    Is there any specific reason they want you out of their house?

    We are here to support you, as you start feeling better you'll also make new friends who will be there for you and in a relationship will also be coming - everything needs time & patience.

    I am sure you are worth much more than what you think. You said you are donating plasma, you are an important part of the life of other people - think about this - people need you alive.
     
  6. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    Sell the gun and use the money to pay for the bus.
     
  7. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    They want me out because I'm 25 and should be able to take care of myself. As long as I'm living with them, I'm not taking care of myself.

    And I agree with them. I can't take care of myself when I'm living there, and I want out. But I can't get out without help.

    The plasma center regularly have three dozen people donating regularly during the day all day and all week long. They'll go on without me, and so will the others that need plasma.

    I've tried that, along with selling a bunch of other stuff. Nobody wants it.
     
  8. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    Have you put out an add looking for a roommate, garage apartment or a room for rent in walking distance from your job? Living close to work will help you save money to get your credit straightened out. Usually there are local papers that are free, and so are the ads, like here we have the green sheet. There is also craig's list and other sites.
    Maybe word the ad like this :
    Looking for a roommate, garage apartment or room for rent in (area where you work). Can pay (x amount of affordable rent) and will buy my own groceries. I have (how many pets) and am (willing or not willing) to find homes for them. Phone number where you can be reached. Be sure to include your sex and age, as often times people would rather roommate with people of the same sex and close in age to themselves.

    That will be a start to fixing one of your problems, then the rest will seem clearer and easier to fix once you get the living arrangement taken care of. Best of luck!
     
  9. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    I agree with these sentiments.
    But I also think kicking you out is a bit unfair. My brother is 26 and still living at home. Sure, my sister moved out way before he did, but even she had to come back after a couple of years to get herself on track. I don't think your parents are being very fair for forcing you out of their home.

    You really should try to sell the guns. You should be able to find someone who'll buy it. You need the money.
     
  10. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    Re: So I keep a gun in my closet...

    My last option for a cosigner just backed out. The rental company just sent me a denial letter and gave me back my earnest money.

    I have a feeling that it's going to be the same story pretty much anywhere I go. Even with private renters, they'll probably still do some kind of credit check. And my parents keep pestering me about my Jan. 1st move-out date.

    Yeah. Try telling them that.

    The weight of the world is crushing me. I can't deal with this much longer.
     
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