So I'm kind of pathetic..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cordial1, Jun 13, 2011.

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  1. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    I have an okay life:

    I'm in college (and succeeding)
    in a sorority (where I should have 63 close friends)
    I work hard for everything I have
    blessed with a home full of family
    along with various other reasons to consider myself lucky

    However, I am just starting to feel like nothing is worth it anymore. Things that have happened recently make me not want to go back to sorority and school, and I'm not getting along with my family. My only friends here at home, my parents absolutely detest, even though they're the only people that I can talk to and get away from these hard thoughts. I'm embarrassed to tell my parents about my suicidal thoughts. I hang around at work after my shift trying to keep from going home until my parents are hounding me over staying out. It is smothering me. I want out. But there is no way out for me right now. Until I think of suicide, it is unsettling how at peace I feel when I think about killing myself. I know it is the wrong answer, but right now... and more and more, it feels like its becoming more and more of an option.
     
  2. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you are having these thoughts :(
    Maybe talking to your parents would be a good thing. I'm sure your parents would be understanding and wanting to help you. I'm here if you want to talk.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2011
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Have you given it any thought that perhaps you could be feeling this way is because everything you have right now is nothing to what you really want?
    What I mean, is that you are in uni and that's great(!) - you should be proud of yourself for that achievement alone! - but when it comes to your sorority, is it really the right one for you? Do you really enjoy everyone's company when you do get together or what it is you all do in the sorority?
    The problem with your parents... when was the last time you went home to them? Not just for a day, two day visit, but really got away from the uni and had a long visit with your folks? Distance, not just between boyfriend/girlfriend, can do your relationship damage with your family, and often the best way of patching up any misunderstandings is to simply get back home, to the house and family that you grew up with, know and love.
    Of course, I know that you can't just get up and leave uni, with your studies and however much distance is between you and your folks, but you could want to try getting back during your next set of holidays. You'd be amazed at what home sickness does to some people.

    These are only my thoughts on the matter, and probably won't reflect in much ways what you feel or your dilemmas. Just hope some of what I said helps in one way or another.

    Good luck with everything that you decide!
    :bubbles::bubbles::bubbles::bubbles::bubbles:
     
  4. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    Leif,

    This is where its being really hard on me, I am home :( But this house is not a home for me. I feel so awful because my grandma moved in with us this past Christmas and took my room. But now that I am home for the summer, I have no room. It was okay at first, sleeping in the living room, and cycling my clothes out of laundry baskets, but now I am just a nuisance to my family, and their lack of tact is really hurting my feelings, even though when I tell my mom how I feel, I'm only being selfish. Being a light sleeper I hear my father blow and sigh as he side steps past my inflatable mattress, and I can hear my mom "shew" when I crawl in her bed after my father leaves in the early morning before we wake up for work.
    I did get to talk to my friend from school the other night and she was excited to see me in the fall, and so it makes me feel a little bit better about school in the fall.
    But I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on like this.
    My parents smother me, I was out with a friend after work and things were great until my mom was calling asking why I was out, why I didn't think it was too late to be out; and the whole time I was driving home because she guilted me into leaving, when I was only in the city park, I wanted to drive my car into oncoming traffic.
    I'm scared I will get in trouble if I try to get help on my own.
     
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    hopefully you will be able to leave home for good soon. perhaps you can take a trip to virginia.
     
  6. Craig

    Craig Banned Member

    I feel like you need a vacation more than any thing else. Maybe not a trip to africa or anything but to get away from your situation for a bit and go have some meaningless fun.
    I hope that your able to push past this. It sounds like you have a wonderfull life ahead of you when you get through this depression.
     
  7. sha8811

    sha8811 Member

    Hey just read through your story. I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling lousy lately. It's tough around the college age because we're supposed to be so happy and full of life. But I understand the uncertainty aspect of it all too. It's difficult being with family and not feeling worthy either, I've been going through some of the same feelings.
    I agree with the other posters too though that maybe taking a little road trip could clear your mind. It doesn't even have to be far but just enough away to realize it's your life and you do and will matter to more people everyday.
    Good luck and keep your chin up.
     
  8. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    hey,
    i cant add much except that no one is pathetic, you are being strong in accepting a problem and seeking help. proud of you

    Take care
    :arms:
     
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