I haven't read much of the site, besides some of the rules. I'm here because I was actually looking for a stronger incentive to my death because I'm feeling really helpless again. Again because I've been in a cycle of ups and downs and I've been building up a really good positivity but then I fall down, again, and I start to think "What am I still doing here? When do I learn that nothing ever changes?". Anyway, I found this forum in the hopes that it would be a "DO IT" forum, but now that I'm here I feel kinda glad that it's not. I'm Portuguese and I'm 20 years old. I was supposed to go to college the previous year but I was too scared because I was away from home, so I got back and did nothing this whole year. Now I wanted to go to college and I didn't get in. So now I'm thinking that was the only hope I would ever meet someone, a friend, a lover or just someone to talk to and something to make me go forward, but then I get this slap in the face saying that I didn't get in. So now wth do I do? I have a second chance, but the chances I get in are really slim, so all I can think about is this.