So, I'm new and...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by SuicidalAgain, Sep 16, 2010.

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  1. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    I haven't read much of the site, besides some of the rules. I'm here because I was actually looking for a stronger incentive to my death because I'm feeling really helpless again. Again because I've been in a cycle of ups and downs and I've been building up a really good positivity but then I fall down, again, and I start to think "What am I still doing here? When do I learn that nothing ever changes?".
    Anyway, I found this forum in the hopes that it would be a "DO IT" forum, but now that I'm here I feel kinda glad that it's not.

    I'm Portuguese and I'm 20 years old. I was supposed to go to college the previous year but I was too scared because I was away from home, so I got back and did nothing this whole year. Now I wanted to go to college and I didn't get in. So now I'm thinking that was the only hope I would ever meet someone, a friend, a lover or just someone to talk to and something to make me go forward, but then I get this slap in the face saying that I didn't get in. So now wth do I do? I have a second chance, but the chances I get in are really slim, so all I can think about is this.
  2. Twinkle ☆ Twinkle

    Twinkle ☆ Twinkle Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome. Hope things get better for you. And that if you go to college it goes well.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Not sure about your educational system, but here in the US there are community colleges with easier admission and entrance into college thereafter...are there any other avenues to where you eventually want to go?? Hope you hang in there and try Plan B...big hugs, J
  4. PiecesMended

    PiecesMended Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF. Hope being here will help somewhat. :hug:
  5. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    Thanks, everyone.
    We don't have those community colleges. I have a friend in the US and she tells me about her daughter that is one of those colleges and is enjoying it and studying the things that she likes, but unfortunately we only have the 3-4 year courses here. At least that I know of.
    There are/were a few things I really like/d to do, except people shattered those dreams by saying that I can't sing and that I can't write. I'm pretty sure I could focus on that, but to the outside world it would be "doing nothing" because when you don't study and you don't work you're not doing ANYTHING. So I'd have to get a job. Maybe I could find some good job, but I've been alone for so long because I've pushed everyone away with my bitterness that I don't think how good it would be to see people everyday.
    My only friend is my younger sister and she's a bully. I want the best for her, for her to be happy and to get everything that she wants, but she keeps telling me to shut up when I sing (not because I want to show off, but because it's one of the few things that makes me happy) and she doesn't allow me to be around my mother or watch TV which automatically puts me in my room, all alone.
    And yet, I threw everything away last year because I missed her so much. Because she said "Yes, come back, I miss you too" just to mistreat me when I got back.
    I'm so sick of it all, I can't see any hope ahead of me :(
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Do what you want, not what ppl tell you...anyone who will take away your dreams has no dreams of his/her own...therefore, not a good source for information...sing. write, and live your life...big hugs, J
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