1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So I'm New...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by stryker, Nov 1, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. stryker

    stryker New Member

    I'm new and haven't read all the old threads...I've read a few, but none of them seemed to touch on why I'm going do it. I'm done with, over all that junk, and alone in this world, except my parents and my sister. My parents will not do well with my death, but my sister will be fine given the time. There is nothing to live for in my life, once my dog dies (terminal), I will die. I figure the motorcycle in my garage is not enough is not enoug to do it, but I have time to get a gun.

    How do you keep going on when there is nothing in front of you?
  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the site stryker. In response to your question, painfully. It's hard. The thing that kept me going at that time in my life when I felt so tired of it all was the thought that there are things out there that I can't see yet and if I kept looking for them that one day I would find something. What I found ended up being friends and the wonderful people on this site that made all the difference. Again, welcome and I hope you can get some of your problems off of your chest by sharing them here.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Stryker,
    :shake::welcome: Life is a bitch isn't it? You ask how we do it? It takes alot of hard work just to get by dailey. Do you have a support plan with a shrink, meds, and a good therapist?
    I highly reccomend a therapist. They dig deep to pull up all those old thoughts. Then they lay them out in front of you both and start work on why this happened or that happend. They also pull up positive thoughts to help battle the negatives.
    You have two options:
    1) you can let the negative thoughts take over your life.
    2) you can fight it (with help from others). Don't give up!!
    We here at the forum are hear to help, with support, advice, and friendship. If you need to talk just PM one of us. Take care and let us help!!!Stay Strong!~Joseph~
  4. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    please dont get a gun, once you get it, it will be so easy to use it. just getting the thing is like suicide. please dont
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Day after day, step by step, one thing at a time, im going threw the dark forest of pain, yet today im n a possitio where i feel warmth and see sunshine, wish you the same.
    I take pills, so it REALLY helps me, maybe you should too?
    Be strong! and DONT ut any guns at all!
  6. stryker

    stryker New Member

    Nope, no meds, no therapist...I've never been suicidal or even "clinically" depressed before in my life. I don't have the money for those two things anyways..What bothers me at this point, is that I'm kinda unemotional about it, I've decided to do it, and even set a date (waiting for something to happen, so it's not a "set date"). I was emotional when I started thinking about and alienated a few people in my life by that.

    I've thought about the future and don't see anything there to interest me. It's not going to get better, I'm not getting younger, I'm not going to meet anyone, and all my friends are still going to like my sister better than me...

    I just don't know...
  7. shadowheart

    shadowheart Well-Known Member

    i think i can relate to you.
    everyone i know likes my brother better then me. he i the 'golden child' in the family. and the popular one with friends and stuff. im the one receeding into myself and pushing them all away.
    But, i know how it feels to lose a dog. they really do become best friends. and i dont know about you....but mine became my best friend. as sad as that sounds....they are always there to talk to....but.
    you have to hope that there will be something in the future to make you feel better.
    i know how much it sucks to just feel numb and empty to everything. and i know it will rip your heart out when your dog dies...obviously it is important to you as youare waiting till after its death to die urself.

    life is hard. its full of shit. and people who know northing of how you feel. but it will get better.
    you may see nothing ahead of you now....but thats coz life is full of twists and turns....and you cant see around the corner......

    personally. i now hav a wonderful boy in my life and i hav a new dog....not to replace the old one.....but yeah...

    hope this helped...:unsure:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Stryker,
    :shake::welcome:Don't give up there are always other options, you just need to open up and seek the help! There are plenty of ppl here who would be happy yo support you and listen to what is happening in your life. You don't have to be introverted.
    There are so many of us who are suicidal and have found help in different ways. Being on the forum has helped me. Having my daughter and grandaughter here with us has gotten me out of the house more. I am an Isolationist and just in the past year have started getting out of the house a little ata time. I suffer from alot of different things but seeing my therapist keeps me going .
    You say you can't afford a therapist, but they work on sliding pay scales. It helps ppl who can't afford it. You also can apply for medicaid to help pay for one. Just remember we are here and are willing to listen to you or let you vent to get alot of that hostility out. Take Care!!~Joseph~
  9. effervescentpsyche

    effervescentpsyche Well-Known Member

    Well the thought of my family being devestated hurts...but I figure they will eventually get over it. My biggest fear of keeping me from not doing it is not being successful...I was unsuccesful once and it's a HUGE medical bill you end up with and it sucks.
  10. stryker

    stryker New Member

    So, I wrote my heart out, and in that time was logged out, and lost it. I’ve learned my lesson, but I don’t think I can repeat it as well as it was first written. But the advice on this forum helped, I got it all out, even if no one heard it. I’m feeling a bit better right now, but I know it won’t last long.

    You are all caring people, how do you care so much when you may or do suffer from the same things yourself? I’ve spent my life caring for others, volunteering whenever I can. I’ve been helping the same handicapped girl for over 5 years now, just after she came to the US at the age of five. I’ve seen and heard everything that has happened to her. I helped her and her mother run from someone who was chasing them, but I can't bring myself to call her in these past few weeks, even though she’s undergoing another surgery. I’ve been forced to be there for others these past few weeks as well, such as my elderly neighbor and sickly grandmother. Before, I would’ve done it as much as possible, because I wanted to.

    I’ve always thought this, but truly know now that suicide is selfish. But I don’t care right now. I’ve been very unselfish, being there for others, to fight for them, when they didn’t do that for me, including my own twin sister. I’m tired of it.

    I’m rather introverted by nature, but I’ve tried hard in the past 5 or so years not to be. I tried to make friends, but it never went further than a little less than friends. In college, all my friends became better and best friends to my sister when she transferred over. At my second college, the same thing happened. All my friends now, from grade school, high school, college and beyond, are much better friends with my sister. It’s not even debatable, they talk to her, to ask us to do something.

    I’m the side dish, those great garlic mashed potatoes you really want with your steak, but if you have to order baked potato along with it, cause I wasn’t available or even mentioned on the menu, that’d be fine. They’d be just slightly less happy. Even my relatives like her more, except for my parents, who have been really great. I know my death will hurt them most, no buts there.

    Financially, I have a great job, and lots of other opportunities should it go sour, but I’m in debt, and can’t afford anything extra at this time, nor with this economy. I could declare bankruptcy, which doesn’t really bother me. I guess it’s all my personal life that is leading me to this decision.

    I think about it all the time, how best to do it (quickly), where to do it (somewhere will a stranger will find me, instead of my flatmate/sister), when to do it (wait for my dog? Or take him with me?), what to leave behind (note and/or will)…I’m just tired of living this life. Hell will be more of the same I know, but this is my first and only life, and I hate it.

    Erk, apparently, I was able to vent more, it’s pretty close to the first, but not as nicely written.

  11. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. You can stay here and talk to folks here. there might not seem as there is something to live for now, but don't give up, the way will be clear. the fact that you are wondering what there is to live for is a sure sign thats your purpose trying to reconnect to you.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.