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So I'm thinking about killing myself.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Karoline99, Feb 15, 2012.

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  1. Karoline99

    Karoline99 New Member

    I live in Mexico. My dad is American and my mom is Mexican. I'm in 10th grade and have suffered from depression since 8th.

    On January 7th my mom found out I smoked weed. (done it 3 times when she caught me). And she flipped out. I didn't stop, because it's not affecting my school work and do it like twice a week so figured there was no problem. Today I ditched school, in lunch. And IDK how the hell my mom found out. She started crying saying that I was such a dissapointment and that the only teenager she knows that smokes weed is me, and that she's going to tell my dad, and that he's going to be so sad and dissapointed and she wants to tell the principal that I smoke weed, which here in Mexico, is a super huge deal. They'll probably kick me out, and my mom wants to know who sold me the weed the first time I did it, and it was someone from the school.

    But he doesn't sell it to anyone. He just did me a favor. He's not like a dealer or anything. I don't want to rat him out because it's none of his fault.

    And basically I just feel like such a dissapointment. And mad. Why can't my mom just sit down and talk to me? No. She has to make a huge deal and tell EVERYONE. I just feel like I'm no good, and don't know how to kill myself. I've tried pills. Swallowed a whole bottle of <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>, and ended up throwing them up. (this was in December. they didn't know i wanted to kill myself. i said it was food poisoning).

    Now my parents are at work, and all of this happened a while ago. I just really don't want to make anyone suffer anymore. My best friend ditched with me and she'll get expelled, too. My friend who soled me the weed. The people that know that I ditched. I just feel like if i kill myself everyone will just forget about it and no one will have to suffer because of me.

    IDK what to do. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. So whether you try to help me by giving me tips on how to kill myself, or want to motivate me, go ahead. I want to see what happens.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You made a mistake Karoline, they happen. But you must deal with the consequences, which I think you can as you seem sensible and strong. Ending yourself is not the solution here, your way forward is to promise change, and follow through with it. Tell your parents you did weed because you are depressed. Ask her if telling the principal will really help.

    Suicide will not make thgem forget you, they will always remember that they failed you.

    Please reconsider, and talk to us more about how you are feeling.
  3. Karoline99

    Karoline99 New Member

    No, no, no. I don't do weed because I'm depressed. I do it because I simply like it.
  4. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    That is pretty much my relationship with marijuana as well. I honestly feel that your mother is overreacting quite a bit. Try to approach her and discuss your feelings about the situation. I'm not going to tell anybody that smoking weed is good, but I'll definitely say that if you're doing anything, weed is safest. I'd rather my own children smoke weed over drink alcohol any day.
  5. BigTomTooToo

    BigTomTooToo Well-Known Member

    Yay weed > alcohol :D but ... weed is a big deal in Mexico but it's basically accepted here in the US. So we create the drugwars in your country that adversely bans weed. while we all smoke it here.
    Weed is only bad if it makes you go all psychotic because you're already too messed up like MEE :)) Bipolar .. sucks. I'll swap you.
  6. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    Hi Karoline, your mom is a mom, and as such it's her job to over-react to anything you do that could be perceived as wrong. What you do is more or less normal for people your age, I skipped school all the time and smoked weed but not on a regular basis (either way it's nothing major). In America weed is not a big thing at all, and it's actually much less harmful than smoking cigarettes or alcohol so be proud of yourself for not partaking in those.

    Eventually your mom should calm down, the day always comes when a parent makes the startling discovery that their child isn't the perfect little angel they thought them to be and you shouldn't be held to those kinds of expectations to begin with. I don't know about Mexico but in America I never knew anyone who was expelled for smoking weed or skipping class and there were a lot of people that did so I would just wait and see what happens.

    Any suffering your parents might be going through is purely self inflicted and of no real fault of yours. You're just being a teenager and doing what teenagers do, which is perfectly normal. You're not a disgrace or a failure, you're a teenager with lots of potential!

    About your suicide attempt, eating pills will normally only have the effect or making you vomit or passing out and waking up with a massive headache. There's nothing you can get over the counter that you could possibly ingest enough to kill yourself with so I wouldn't bother trying that again, but if you start feeling like you might try something and want to talk feel free to send me a PM, or any other time for that matter.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2012
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