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So incredibly ugly -(and no..no pictures)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MeAndYou, Dec 19, 2008.

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  1. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    I dont understand the point of what i am suppose to learn. Acceptance? Patience? That beauty is on the inside? Here...in america? Yea right.

    Ever since i was a baby I've been ugly. You can pin me with the award of "First Ugly Baby Ever". I've always been more of an introvert, and really loved my alone time. As a young kid i had a fairly happy childhood aside from just plain being a brat at times, (sorry mom), but i was NEVER cute or handsome, and now being older there isnt a person out there that has ever said im hot or attractive in any way. I've always heard comments made to me about my looks, even by family members, but i didnt stress at all in front of the mirror. For the better part of my childhood i was in blissful ignorance and didnt really grasp what made me different, why, or how immediately isolation accompanied it (literally at first glance).

    Anyway it seemed that lasted a little too long. When i finally figured shit out, I would ask my siblings and parents "Am i ugly?", "What should i do about being ugly?". The only thing they would say back is "You're not ugly. Do people say mean things to you? Like what?" Heres some advice for anyone dealing with an ugly sibling, or child. Dont lie. For the most part they know they are ugly, and if they dont, they are going to find out, and it will crush them. The sooner they know, the easier it is for you to teach them how to deal with it. And i have never wanted to repeat to ANYone what comments people say to me.

    Now that i fully know and understand the extent of my repulsiveness, I pick up on things that people say way more often. I'm much more negative which probably emits and attracts negative vibes, but even when i was blissfully ignorant i was getting shit thrown at me, or just getting taken advantage of. How can i learn to accept myself when no one else will? They are brutally honest in a manner that throws me into the out cast pool naked where every observer points and laughs. The people who are dishonest and tell me i am not ugly for some reason brings me to a point where i wonder if i can trust them.

    I have tried being patient in life, but I'll quote some lyrics. "Patience is a virtue until its silence burns you." I am so unbelievably tired of being a punching bag, but fuck standing up for myself, cause in the end i am still ugly. It makes me want to approach these people and ask them for a cash donation to help me purchase a handgun. If they want to nudge me to the edge, at least help me jump.

    I look in the mirror and become so...speechless. This body is not me. Its not who i am. I know that, but it seems no one else does, or seems to care. In a society and world that is so driven by primal instincts, it seems its not a world for ugly. (which, yes, is CLEARLY defined. Its not in the eye of the beholder, and if it ever was, it isnt anymore)

    I'm not looking for anyone to tell me beauty is on the inside. I will be honest. My entire life i have never witnessed that. I'm just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation. Its becoming a joke, and everyone but me is laughing.
  2. suspect

    suspect Member

  3. noisserped

    noisserped Guest

    Yeah I'm disgusted with the way I look. Just like everything else about me, everything about the way I look is horrible. I just really hate everything about myself.
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Lets make a deal, you show us your photo (you can PM me your photo if you too shy) and i will tell you if you are ugly or not. I am a honest man and i prommise you i willl not lie, and i also have a good sanse to beauty.
    That way we can talk our way out of things, if you are ugly as you say
    we both will try and find a solution, if not (as i think it will be) then we have nothiung to talk about. Many people think thay are ugly but here i am a guy you dont know from the side and i will tell you the truth, i dont know you, you dont know me, nothing to gain or loose roght?
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I agree with SR, I have a good sanse to beauty too.
  6. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    Story of my life....
    I'd say i'm glad i'm not alone in it, but i'd rather would be ... don't wanna wish that shit to anyone.

    Anyways, ever wanna talk ... feel free to PM me
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Meandyou,

    Welcome to SF :) I'm glad you found us!

    Looks don't define who you are, the beauty within defines it. How old are you? Do you have a therapist you could talk to about this? :hug:
  8. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    I know how you feel, seeing my reflection makes me want to jump out of a window. At first thought it seems silly for wanting to kill yourself (by you I also mean me) over how you look, but then seeing the weight looks hold in our society it isn't so far fetched. I'm working on my depression, & hopefully my self-esteem will improve in the process, but that still won't make me attractive.
  9. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I've never been in a relationship because I'm a bit odd and not good looking etc. but I bet there's lots of people out there who feel exactly the same as me. Two people can have so much to offer each other, but they choose to believe otherwise. Maybe you think they want somebody better, but somebody 'better' isn't always what's right for them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2008
  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Whenever I'm depressed I feel like a fucking pig man. Please don't put too much on your looks, hun. They really don't matter. Personality wins every time. And this from somebody who used to write in Hollywood. Swear to god, personality wins.


    The post you wrote is excellent. I'm still buzzed from your ability to communicate. No bullshit, right now, I don't care what you look like--you are a great communicator, and any adult will tell you how important that is.

    You rock!

  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    And honestly, I've never seen a pretty baby.

    And I'm from a Catholic Irish-American family...I've seen tons.
  12. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Thank-you for the replys everyone. I appreciate it :)

    For those asking, I am 20 years old. And it seems, (maybe im just assuming), that some people might think I'm a lady but I am a in fact a guy. Maybe its the way i worded my post, or the fact I am so upset with my looks? Or maybe im just assuming. :huh:

    I def. have good days and bad days, and can relate with the other people posting that are experiencing the same issue, and am open to private messages if anyone needs an internet ear.

    I almost always feel as though our physical bodies are just costumes, much like halloween. And sometimes when people are disguised they are much more outgoing or willing to do something they would normally be embarrased to do. So i sort of come to a conclusion that looks really dont matter, these are just costumes. But more often than not I am the only one in the room who seems to be thinking/feeling this. Its upsetting to think that maybe your physical appearance dictates how some people treat you. Anyway...thanks again :)
  13. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hey boy or girl, it doesn't matter.

    (especially to me, I'm bi :) j/k)

    Really personality is all that matters. And while I'm sure you feel alone but a lot of people feel that way. You aren't alone. I assure you.

    Looks come first, but who you are last much longer. You lost in middleschool and high school. So did I, but we win later on. I assure you.

  14. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    At school I used to always get picked on for looking ugly. I used to get called horrible things. My husband is not good looking either and thats what attracted me to him. He has a huge birth mark on his lip, he has a pidgeon chest, and veins on his nose. But I was attracted to his sense of humour. My first husband was good looking. I prefer average to not good looking because, you know that these guys will never flirt and you know that no one will flirt with them they usually have very good personalities because they no if they lose you they won't get anyone else. I try to make up for my looks by my personality and tend to make friends with the people who are not good looking because I know they are more likely to accept me.
  15. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. :hug: I often feel the same way. If ever you need to talk pm me :)
  16. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    We will win what? And when?
  17. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay, accept that you are fundamentally ugly.

    Now. Produce a nice body through exercise. Do something with your hair. Produce a clean, well-kempt appearance.

    Chances are good you'll be pretty much indistinguishable from the rest of humanity for attractiveness - and even a bit better than those who don't take care of theirselves.
  18. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    See comment above from AOEU: I think this makes sense.

    Also, I've got a picture of my sister at about 4 weeks, and I'm not bs'ng here, where she looks exactly like a monkey. She turned out ok and got pretty good looking in her late teens and 20's.

    Then you have me. I was o.k. as a tot, but between 7-16 I was in the 1% skiniest, with thick, dark-rimmed glasses and braces for most of the time. I was brutalized in school based on my looks. Later on it became a bit better.

    Now throw in all who have commented already and those who will and those in our society who do not base relationships on looks...there are plenty!

    Yes, many (maybe even most) people base their relationships on looks, but many do not.
  19. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    when I was in highschool I was plump but in my mind I was so huge and ugly....alot of guys made fun of me because of it...then I found out its because they had a crush on me...

    now though I'm more overweight than I was in highschool and to be honest some days I see myself as the ugliest person in the world....and then other days I'll look in the mirror and see something good...

    from my experience though...looks are second...people fall in love with the vibe you sent out...if you expect people to say your ugly...then you kind of set yourself up for that...I know its not fun to hear but if you want it to change...you have to change your perspective of life...it wont change over night but start by little things...

    you know ugly is in the eye of the beholder...there are people who are small, deformed, missing a limb and still find love and happiness...of course sometimes they have bad days just like everyone else..but if they can find people to love them...why couldnt you?
  20. crying_wolf

    crying_wolf Active Member

    i rarely post, i hate posting and expressing myself but i will this time.

    One of my main problems is self esteem i believe, i cant even look myself in the mirror. I consider myself ugly, i am. Is not to brag but i am a good guy with good feelings mostly, i am smart, i know lot of stuff from all subjects, history, whats going on in the world, facts. I go to university, computer science mayor but anyways i have spend most of my life alone, i am 23 and i cant even talk to girls. Been a good person with good feelings is useless, all that matters is the outside.

    (bad english i know) :p
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