I dont understand the point of what i am suppose to learn. Acceptance? Patience? That beauty is on the inside? Here...in america? Yea right. Ever since i was a baby I've been ugly. You can pin me with the award of "First Ugly Baby Ever". I've always been more of an introvert, and really loved my alone time. As a young kid i had a fairly happy childhood aside from just plain being a brat at times, (sorry mom), but i was NEVER cute or handsome, and now being older there isnt a person out there that has ever said im hot or attractive in any way. I've always heard comments made to me about my looks, even by family members, but i didnt stress at all in front of the mirror. For the better part of my childhood i was in blissful ignorance and didnt really grasp what made me different, why, or how immediately isolation accompanied it (literally at first glance). Anyway it seemed that lasted a little too long. When i finally figured shit out, I would ask my siblings and parents "Am i ugly?", "What should i do about being ugly?". The only thing they would say back is "You're not ugly. Do people say mean things to you? Like what?" Heres some advice for anyone dealing with an ugly sibling, or child. Dont lie. For the most part they know they are ugly, and if they dont, they are going to find out, and it will crush them. The sooner they know, the easier it is for you to teach them how to deal with it. And i have never wanted to repeat to ANYone what comments people say to me. Now that i fully know and understand the extent of my repulsiveness, I pick up on things that people say way more often. I'm much more negative which probably emits and attracts negative vibes, but even when i was blissfully ignorant i was getting shit thrown at me, or just getting taken advantage of. How can i learn to accept myself when no one else will? They are brutally honest in a manner that throws me into the out cast pool naked where every observer points and laughs. The people who are dishonest and tell me i am not ugly for some reason brings me to a point where i wonder if i can trust them. I have tried being patient in life, but I'll quote some lyrics. "Patience is a virtue until its silence burns you." I am so unbelievably tired of being a punching bag, but fuck standing up for myself, cause in the end i am still ugly. It makes me want to approach these people and ask them for a cash donation to help me purchase a handgun. If they want to nudge me to the edge, at least help me jump. I look in the mirror and become so...speechless. This body is not me. Its not who i am. I know that, but it seems no one else does, or seems to care. In a society and world that is so driven by primal instincts, it seems its not a world for ugly. (which, yes, is CLEARLY defined. Its not in the eye of the beholder, and if it ever was, it isnt anymore) I'm not looking for anyone to tell me beauty is on the inside. I will be honest. My entire life i have never witnessed that. I'm just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation. Its becoming a joke, and everyone but me is laughing.