Ideas & Opinions So is this okay or not?

[HappyKitty]

My story -

"Dad ignoring you is okay."
"Mother not siding with you when theres bullies bullied you, even a bit is okay."
"Mother feels embarrassed of her own daughter and asked her to hide at her friends house closet is okay."
"Mother insultin, verbally abusing me is okay"
"Mother still goes to the violence whenever shes angry is okay."
"Parents uses grades to mark my worth otherwise, i feel like they disowned me is okay"
"Parents telling me to ignore my symptoms or conditions is okay."

Soooo am i in the right path?

 

[mfor]

So far, you have not described your path. Just your family's attitude towards you.

What do you want to do? What do you want to make out of your path? What are your intentions. Those are thee questions you should rather be asking regarding your path.

 

[HappyKitty]

Ya I understood, past is past and i cant change things but I find it hard to believe that I'm seeing love cause I'm not taught that, more like feeling retarded from being taught wrong and not sure if thats wrong tbh.

 

[Walker]

These are all things you have extrapolated from others behavior towards you, meower. Did someone TELL you that your dad ignoring you is okay? Say those words to you? If so, then let's chat that up and why. Or is that something that they've given you the idea about because when he ignores you everyone acts like that's fine or they tell you not to bother him?

Did someone TELL you that your mother insulting you is okay? TELL you that being bullied is okay? etc

I *do* understand this is what you're *hearing* and you're gathering these statements from whatever they're saying to you plus the behavior that comes with it but I'd like to hear more about one or more of these situations in detail. (if you want to share)

 

[HappyKitty]

I can start bit by bit.
My parents did admit that they do not have time for family but at therapist session I was taught to schedule break so why can’t they do that? I thought its okay cause kitty thinks parents are always right?

 

[Walker]

I thought its okay cause kitty thinks parents are always right?

Lots of adultier adults think they're always right. Sadly that's esp true when it comes to their kids. The problem therein is that we did xyz dumb things and we don't want you to repeat them and we say "DONT DO THIS DUMB THING" instead of just saying "hey when I was your age I did this same thing and it turned out to be a real dumbass move so I'd suggest you think about this closer". Those are two very different statements to be made to someone. One trusts your judgement and the other doesn't. One allows you, as a person, to grow and become a responsible adult and the other doesn't. Your parents have decided that they're in the former group of people. I imagine this is partly cultural and you can't get away from it much but you CAN choose to listen to it less. You are the only person living this life.

 

[HappyKitty]

I have so many things to learn on which is right and which is wrong. I wish theres a template or sth🥺

 

[Walker]

I wish theres a template or sth

Yeah -- we all do, girl.

I have so many things to learn on which is right and which is wrong.

There is no "right" or "wrong" though. Someone else could come along tomorrow and say "Walker is so full of shit, listen to me instead" you know? And then you listen to them and think "oh yeah that makes sense" and you form your own opinions and choices based off listening and being open minded and determining how YOU feel about what others have to say. You talk to lots of different people and you get a lot of varied opinions around here so that's a pretty good start. I think when *everyone* is telling you xxxxx thing then you can pretty much count on that. But when it's mixed? You have to weigh all that up and decide for yourself.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I have so many things to learn on which is right and which is wrong. I wish theres a template or sth🥺

It would be so much easier if there were a template

I can start bit by bit.
My parents did admit that they do not have time for family but at therapist session I was taught to schedule break so why can’t they do that? I thought its okay cause kitty thinks parents are always right?

That's the automatic assumption. It's hard to believe that parents can be wrong. I'd trust your therapist though. It took me a long time to learn boundaries because my parents don't have any.

Trust yourself. You deserve love and care. You're worth it. Trust your instincts. You know what is okay and what isn't even if it doesn't align with the beliefs you were taught.

You're awesome and worth it. You deserve care. What you feel is valid and is your truth

 

[HappyKitty]

It would be so much easier if there were a template

While all of us wishes for a template, I did bring this issue up to my therapist and she says, its okay to have guidance but part of self-discovery is to not have it guidance to spoon feed us all the time otherwise it won’t consider “self-discovery.” Its gonna take a while. I await with what my new psychologists says next. 🥺