Well I guess the remission was too good to last.. I posted on here when things got too much last time and cannot express just how much this forum helped me through my darkest hour..But here I am again.. It has been two years since I got my diagnosis and fourteen months since I quit my meds and the shrinks in order to try and straighten my life out on my own but I guess I overestimated my capabilities. Now I am back where I began..The dark thoughts, the voices, the suicidal tenancies..Hell..I am even on the cusp of losing my job.. I wish I could find someone in the chatroom to talk to but they all seem to be teenagers with other things on their minds or seem hostile to an older member having problems..I will not bore you with my life story, I posted it before and writing it all out again would seem a waste of my time and of yours.. I just want this to end...No more pain..No more feeling like I am the square peg forced in the round hole..To finally turn my back on this sick world.. So far I have managed to alienate anyone who has reached out to me..My anorexia has returned and right now I am hell bent on starving myself and I do wonder which will kill me first..The lack of food or the dark thoughts that urge me to go.. I do not write this for sympathy (I know those in the chatroom would never give that anyway) All I need is to know that there are others still fighting to make sense of this...Trying to find a way to survive. I wish I could cry..but there is nothing left..