So I've been thinking about it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Louis03, Aug 12, 2010.

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  1. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    And I've decided that if I had easy access to a gun that would make it easy enough that I would actually do it. I mean I would really do it. It's not like I don't get any joy from life but, really, very little. Life's no fun when you isolate. That's what I'm calling it now: "I isolate". Truth is I'm fucked in the head. I went through bad experiences and it changed my personality, I don't think anything is going to change that. There's no solution to the problem.

    I barely function in the world at all - just the bare minimum to get by. I can't relate to other people. I know it's a problem and I know I should change but the truth is I don't want to. Any small social interaction and I'm set for weeks.

    I can feel the entropy around me. I'm getting older. My life's not going anywhere. The thought of ending it seems a lot easier than trying to change anything.
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I tend to isolate myself. But I can only isolate myself so much, because of school and other annoying shit.

    If I had a gun, I wouldn't be all to surprised if I was dead as soon as it was in my hand. Then again, I guess that's why I don't have one :tongue:. And Life IS no fun when you isolate yourself. You end up getting a perverted view of things. You end up not thinking right. Unfortunately humans are social creatures, and when we don't socialise or there is a problem, shit tends to go down hill. Eg, you end up in the situation we're in.

    Personally I can't always see the bad thing with suicide, but I think my beliefs with some sought of reincarnation tend to fuck up the whole idea of 'keeping on going'. The only reason we accept the idea is because we're in the shit. I'm sure if others were, they would too.

    If you don't want to change then what do you want to do? Or do you want to change but you don't know how too?
  3. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    Honestly I want to be ghost. Everything until that point is just distractions, simple pleasures. Being happy, well adjusted, trusting, the meaning relationship with another - those things aren't in me anymore.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I feel ya.

    When 'simple pleasures' aren't pleasurable anymore- life just loses all of it's appeal, doesn't it?
    It turns into 'everything sucks...' and being tired all of the time.

    Therapy works for some people, prescription drugs will work for other people; IF you can have the patience to wait until you can find one that actually works for you. Otherwise sometimes nothing really works for some people.

    I'd suggest trying to do all of the things that you used to like before deciding to become a ghost.
    You may find that you still actually like some things.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Sorry in advance if this is not too comforting, I am trying to not be hypocritical.

    I know you do not want to hear this, not changing your life is hard. I am trying to change mine. Right now I want to die more than ever. It is hard, however, the small successes feel pretty good. So if anything it is worth it to feel success. With enough success who knows you may find motivation. I know I am hoping I can find it.
  6. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    When I meant was I want to be, you know, gone, literally. I refuse to take any drugs, hate the idea. And you're right about simple pleasures losing their appeal, that's when things really start to look bleak.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know if drugs might help you at least feel better or help in your therapy why not try them? Trust me I am as scared of dependence as anyone else. However, what do you really have left to lose? Think of it as one final push to save yourself.
  8. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    It's not gonna help me in my therapy 'cause I don't go to therapy and I ain't gonna start. Maybe it's a result of some things I went through, don't want to get into it but I hate drugs with a passion. My mind is the only thing I have I don't want anything clouding it. I do indulge in escapism and whatnot but not like that. I'll feel whatever I have to feel and bare it or I won't and that's it.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Drugs don't cloud anything medication clears up the cloudiness the distorted thoughts I fought for years i mean it to not go on meds i was wrong The medication made me stronger made me see more cleared that i could survive and be well again and i have started on new meds that are healing me still
    I wish you would reconsider i do because what a difference meds have made.
    they don't take away all the sadness and pain but they bring it down to a level one can cope with. take care of YOU okay please
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you had a broken leg would you refuse treatment for it? depression is the same thing. there's lots of treatments available, just up to you to find the ones that work. have an open mind.
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