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So I've mde my decision.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WithNoWayOut, May 20, 2009.

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  1. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    The last 6 years of my life has been going down a giant hill. One bad thing after another. A never ending trail of bad luck. Sometimes I catch myself being depressed about nothing at all. Moments when I should be happy. I'm not. But I found solution to that problem. Alcohol and Sleeping pills. It's not easy for me to get my hands on Alcohol at 19, but sleeping pills I can get. I'm a mild believer in god. but lately it's sorta been hard to believe. I guess this is where that "he will test you" comes in. But I've never heard of a test lasting 5-6 years. I just can't handle it anymore. I get a job and things seems to look brighter at the end of the tunnel, but the business gets shut down and relocated to a different state before I even have a chance to get my first pay check. I'm tired of trying. No life seems a lot easier then living life. No one would miss me, this I know for a fact.

    I've never talked to anyone about this ever. Until I found this site while searching for the most successful ways of committing suicide. so I thought at least some one should know why I did what I did, that's outside of family.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Posting shows that you really do want to try and find some sort of solution rather than the one you think you have found as a method. I know all too well about the bad luck and negative shit happening over and over again.
    Keep posting hun and share the pain and thoughts instead of bottling them all up. Kept to themselves they only seem worse and more desperate. But talking to others can help to calm the urges down a little. Not saying they are going to be solved immediately but you never know what kind of help, support or resources some other member may have that you would never of even thought of.
    Please keep posting. What have you got to lose? You might find some support, or help or even a friend or too that understand. Dont give up yet. You have had 6 years to get here so try spending a little time now seeing if there are other solutions rather than suicide.
  3. Samsara

    Samsara Well-Known Member

    I hope you are still with us...PM me if you are. cuz I would sad if we lost a potential life saver :)
  4. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Tests that last...
    How about Job? Or Moses?
    I'm not particularly religious, please believe me - I'm not prosyletizing, but I have been reading the bible more lately than I ever used to and the one conclusion I've come to is that the major religions are totally wrong in how they interpret the bible. But that's a discussion for the Soap Box.
    Stick with it, though.
    Depression is hard to live with, I know. All of us know. Or at least most of us know. :mort:
    Talk to us, it helps.
  5. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I can prove you're not alone. I too found this site too while searching for the best / easiest way of getting outta here. And I'm still here. Just. So, if you need proof that you're not alone, we have at least that in common? Also, I agree with post by "Jack Rabbit" ... the major religions are totally wrong in how they interpret the bible"... Maybe try reading Eckhart Tolle's books, "The power of Now", or "A New Earth". But that's a discussion for a different place. Keep posting, and if you can tell anyone please do. You don't need to tell them anything you don't want to, just even that you are feeling down or shit or rubbish. You don't have to say you're EXTREMELY upset / confused etc.
    Remember, confusion is not an ignoble condition.
    You can PM me either if you can / like.
  6. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    I started talking to my friend last night because she a girl who likes me was a little upset with the choice I've made. To protect herself, I told her to stop talking to me. So my friend for 5 years tried convincing me that people would miss me and it wouldn't hurt only myself. I haven't slept in days, so I find that hard to believe. I'm intent on doing what I said but getting the materials I need at 19 isn't exactly easy and it's delaying what I want to do. I love them both, their such good friends or were but I no longer have that will to live that keeps the normal person getting up everyday.
  7. c00kie5

    c00kie5 New Member

    Wow I am in a pretty damn similar spot to original poster here...I also have been shutting people out of my life one after another..I often go for days on end with no sleep no matter what I do....alcohol and sleeping pills is my favorite method and twice in the last three months I would've gone but I pussed out & called someone & ended up in the hospital cuz I started thinking about my brother and what he would feel...I'm sure my post will be deleted for this but I think for some people there is no reason to stay...the longer you live the bigger a fool you are. I am fate's patsy. Things will never get better, I don't feel better with time I feel worse as my life slowly crumbles around me. Fuck religion fuck spirituality fuck hope.
  8. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Your post won't be deleted. Maybe moved, but not deleted. Looks like most of us in this discussion are new members. Maybe stick around and see if anything does come from posting here..As I said, yes, I'm like original post too, but I am still here. Dunno why or how but I am.... keep delaying
  9. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well...I have read many people here who have tried that method and failed. Myself included.

    It's actually not easy to do the deed, if you are particular in how you want to go about it.

    What will prolly happen is that those items will adversely affect your health.

    But here is something to think about. You are only 19! You have your whole life ahead of you. You can't possibly begin to know what life has in store for you. Such wonders and happiness and yes, sorrow, awaits you. but if you do this, you will never to get experience that.

    Think of the joy of looking at your baby boy for the first time, after he is born.

    And so many other things to have yet happen.

    So here is what I think you should do.

    If you are actively suicidal, then what you are doing is trying to end pain. No one really wants to die, but we get to that point where we just can't deal with the crap anymore.

    That'e because our noggins are overloaded.

    If it helps, think of it as your brain is ill and needs a vacation. Time to get your brain back, into a healthy form.

    Now...if you broke your leg, you would go to a doctor. Well...your mind and brain are broken. Injured, if you will. Time to go see a Doc.

    So the easist way for someone like us, and I know, I did this, to get that help we so desperately need, is for you to go to your local hospital. Take the pills with you and tell them, you are ACUTELY suicidal. You must use that word, ACUTELY. This will let them know you are serious and active.

    If you can't make it to the hospital, call 911 and tell the operator the same thing.

    And then....something miraculous will happen. You will get to give your brain a vacation. For a couple of days, perhaps a week, all the troubles of the world, we be gone. And....you will learn new and better ways for dealing with those issues once you come out. And.........you will get meds that will help you to stay in focus for the tasks before you.

    Stay strong my friend, and don't give in to your illness.

    You are better than that!
  10. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    Being confined to a room with 4 pillowed walls will only make me feel worse.

    I hate kids. I never want any.
  11. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well I dont know from where you heil, but it wasnt like that for me. Yes I was confined to a floor. But we ate great food. Best in the hospital. lol

    And...we have a living room with tv, video games, cards etc...and our own private rooms. Plus we had meeting rooms where we could discuss what in the heck is going on.

    And the kid thing...well that was the first thing I could think of. But I think you know that what I was referring to, were all of life's events just waiting to unfold.

    Besides.....if you don't feel any better after your visit for help, you can always do it later.

    You have got nothing to loose, from what limited knowledge I have on your situation.

    Good luck.

    We are here for you!
  12. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    I won't say I don't have friends. But I have very few that I would actually trust if something more then life was in their hands. These people I've known sense elementary school till this very day, even though I've changed schools and moved. One who is in love with me, but only admitted to it after 3 years. I don't have the heart to say I don't want to love anyone or anyone to love me. These people constantly tell me how much they care even though my mind doesn't want to hear it.
  13. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    what does your mind want to hear?:mellow:
  14. WithNoWayOut

    WithNoWayOut Member

    Nothing, it wants to be alone. in a dark corner where nothing can go wrong.
  15. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Stay safe and we can talk again tomorrow.
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