So lost and confused.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Silent1, May 23, 2011.

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  1. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Hi i have to many things on my mind and heart that trouble me and im ready to end it cause i cant solve these problems in my head and there breaking me down, i need help and adivce plz try to give some.

    Im 22 and have been sitting in the basement like a hermet crab for 4 years since i graduated highschool. ive always been depressed for id say around 8-10+ years. you dont know how it makes me feel that im 22 and never had a girl friend not even a kiss or a prom date or a dinner date or nothing makes me feel like a mistake that im not ment to share my life with someone special and be loved. i play video games all day and do drugs and hide from todays world that makes me sick. on the rare time i do go outside and see a hot girl or a couple out eating lunch or watching a movie i feel just like ending it i cant stand it. ive distanced my self from this world for 4 years now i feel like a ghost i just walk no one see's me no one heres me. my other problem is the problem in its self i want to end it so bad but im afraid. i was told suicide is a sin you go to hell for. im not the strongest beliver in god but i was brought up that way and im not sure if im brain washed or not but i just feel it in me u gotta stay alive god wants u alive thats why your here. then i look at it again in a second point of view and say no there is no god your alive cause u take no risk ur inside the house all day u cant be hit by a car or anything. then i think of my family out of all the things in my life this is the only good thing i have and i mean the only good thing. im not smart or good looking or have talents but my family loves me and thats what keeps me going to this day. how can i leave them here it tares me up thinkin of it. and my parents are going through a tough time right now trying to pay bills and give me and my brother everything we need and here iam sittin in the house using drugs and eating there food and all that stuff and im like what kinda person am i... im disgusted in my self i wish i could do more for them i wish i could give them the world but instead i just waste away... i think its time to waste away for good
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome to SF no it is time now for you to reach out go to hospital phone doctor and get help okay. You are so deep in depression you need help with meds to dig yourself out okay call crisis line and get into hospital You can get on meds to help you be more social. How can you get a gf you have not been outside to try. Call your doctor get on meds get treatment for your addictions and start to heal okay 22 don't waste anymore time get help now start feeling better NOW okay
     
  3. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Yea i think thats what i need to do ive told my self that many times. im just so afraid of that i havent been out my house in so long im afraid to go outside i cant imagine staying away and sleeping at a other place. and im so afraid that i cant be helped cause i kno if i come home from hospital or whatever i go through and im not better and not cured then i kno i need to end it for sure.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Silent1, Welcome to the forums..I relate to you.. I have been in total Isolation for over twenty years..I've been in the hospital ten times.. There is nothing to be afraid of..They have staff on the floors to keep you safe..The only problem is you do alot of waiting..You see the shrink once a day and a therapist once a day..They hold group meetings during the day to pass some of the time.. I reccomend you take a book to read.. They usually have a TV on in the day room but you can't hear it because everyone is talking all the time..I use to read or else I would walk paces in the hallways..The rest of the time I would saty in my room.. So don't be afraid to go to the hospital..Whenyou get out you need to stay away from the basement and socialise with your family.. It's a first step to getting you out of the house..Take Care!!!
     
  5. Bluewisp

    Bluewisp New Member

    I can relate with the ghost feeling and being playing video games all the time. I can't stand happyness from others too. People say to me to go more outside, but each time I do, I feel even more isolated. I see families having fun, friends together, and all this happyness is like torture. When back at home, I feel even more depressed. Because I've seen different kind of happyness that I can't reach. Instead of having pain seeing others having fun, I prefer to stay at home and play video games in which I can escape from my cold reality to feel better in an imaginary world. At least, I don't destroy myself with drugs. MMORPGs replace it, and do no damage. Of course I would prefer to live happy with others, but my only friends live far away, I've an avoidant personnality and I'm afraid of social interactions. I've been so bullied and rejected that it's like if I fear the worst when I start talking to someone. I see years passing, I've accomplished only a little to be proud of, I know I'm loosing my life away, but I'm trapped between fear and death. People seem to meet and to have fun together in a so natural way, that I could think I'm not human if I would not have any mirrors to see me in. I don't know how they do, and this make me crazy. I don't have this natural gift, however I would like to be loved and love, like everyone. It's like if I've been created to only watch everyone around, isolated. People having no goal in life, don't care because as long they are happy it's ok. But when you are alone, and that social interactions are for you a big deal, you start to wonder why you exist. I'm 29 and I'm also an hermit crab. I've being at hospital for one month not long ago. And every time that I've seen others having friends to visit them, all those hugs, those hands in hands and kisses, were like knifes in my skin.
     
  6. Hi and welcome to SF forum.. :biggrin:

    did your doctor give you any anti-depressants after your discharge from hospital..? Try interacting with someone (maybe your neighbour or someone you knows) and slowly expand your circle of friends.. Try it.. Give yourself some chances to try it.. :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2011
  7. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys i looked on here and it made me feel good to know that im not the only one that feels isolated cause it feel's like a pretty lonely place, i guess im gonna try to bring it up to my parents and get some help. Thats gonna be scary in itself :(
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can do this o kay for you talk to them see if they can get you some therapy get you on some meds tell them you need their help they won't refuse hugs
     
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