I'm not really sure where to post this. I have just joined this site. I am feeling suicidal and have done for the last few weeks. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety and severe depression, and have done for around 6 years. I have attempted suicide a few times. I am also a prescription pain-killer addict, have been for the last 3 years. I abuse my body everyday with these pills and honestly don't know how long i will live until. Things got from bad to worse a few weeks ago. I had been with my ex partner for 4 years. a short time into our relationship he cheated on me and i took him back, but wish i didn't. we stayed together for three years after that, and all the while i had strong feelings for a friend of mine who i had known for years before. I loved him for 3 years. The romance in my relationship had died a long while ago, but we still went through the motions. a few months ago i broke up with my partner, he got a new girlfriend and i told my friend how i felt about him, he said he felt the same way and we got together. I felt like i was happy for the first time in years. I felt strong and like i could give up the drugs for him, but a few weeks ago he left me. without even a reason, just pushed me out of his life, with only a text message telling me he was sorry. I have felt so lost and lonely since he left me. I am back living with my mother, who does not tolerate mental heath problems. I have no where else to go though, and feel unable to get a job. I am sleeping so much, taking much more codeine, because i can't stand feeling sober, it hurts too much. I just really need some help, i need someone. i've tried to reach out to others tried to make new connections, but i feel like i am too depressed to socalise. and i feel alienated around others, because i don't want to admit to people i a mentally ill in case they don't want to be around me. I'm so lonely and scared.