so low

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ShatteredMind, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. ShatteredMind

    ShatteredMind Member

    I feeling so low
    My step dad killed himself 5 years ago in September this time of years is hard for my family and me
    i miss him so much and i can understand why he felt the way he did he was very depressed at the time
    Maybe he felt like life was too much to bare ...

    I feel like the adults in my family think Am worthless because i cant work because of my mental health problems and the fact i have no kids its just me and my husband am scared i might lose him in some way he said he never do what my dad did to my mum and he says i shouldn't think that way i worry about things all the time like i cant cope with being alone i just keep eating and eating until my husband is back or someone with me ...i cant keep eating like that i purge and i binge

    I want to self harm so much but i have no tools to do anything everything i can use is gone
    I Have no access to my meds my husband keeps them locked up
    as in the past i have overdosed

    i have a family event on Sunday and i feel like i dont want to go but if i dont ill upset family members
    and my mother will be pissed off i just cant deal with my mother at all she is so blunt and doesnt care what she says or who she hurts

    if my husband wasnt here id kill myself in some way
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. Are you seeing a doctor or counsellor. It sounds like you use food as a coping mechanism. What about self harm alternatives such as ice or an elastic band.
     
  3. travelgal8605

    travelgal8605 New Member

    ShatteredMind, I’m sorry you’re struggling and for the loss you’ve experienced. There are certain seasons that loss still lingers in the air, for me it’s around Halloween and Christmas. Is there a way you could celebrate his life in this season rather than letting it keep you down?

    Have you expressed your struggles to your family? Maybe it would help them understand. I’m glad you have your husband to lean on. He sounds like an amazing support to you. Consider trusting that he will be there, as he says he will; let his word lift that fear.

    Is there anyone you could connect with during the day or outpatient therapy you could seek out?

    Grace and strength to you. *hugs*
     
  4. mikde

    mikde New Member

    It sounds like you love your husband very much, try to focus on him. I'm no longer with the girl i love and i lost her because of my depression amongst other things. Just know that there is a guy there who loves you and wants you to be safe. Embrace and focus your attention on your husband. You clearly both love each other so make the most of it. Make him a surprise dinner, have some amazing sex! He is always going to be there for you so let him know you appreciate and love him and other things should fall into place
     
  5. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hello ShatteredMind, I am Mox

    Hello and thank you for joining us at SF. Thank you for sharing your story with us. The more you share the more we can help you. I invite you to read my personal story below in green. Just know you are not alone in your pain and suffering. Everyone here is battling his/her own demons. You are among friends. No one will ever insult you or ridicule you for any reason; that BS is not tolerated here. We will give you emotional support and lots of hugs. If you are feeling like you are going to hurt yourself that you will take yourself to the nearest ER and get the help you need. The help you deserve. We want you to be SAFE. If you are having a bad day or if you are upset do not hesitate to reach out to someone here at SF and we will help you the best way we can.

    Are you seeing any kind of doctor about these feelings you are having? Are you on kind of medication to help you feel better?

    Any kind of support network you can lean on during tough times?

    Take Care
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there @ShatteredMind Sorry you are feeling so low. I'm very sorry for your loss that must have been horrific to deal with. I'm really glad you are sharing your thoughts with us here though and hope that you continue to reach out. Have you had any type of counselling? I think that can help you a great deal. Just know you are never alone, there is always someone willing to listen. You deserve to feel better than this. I hope you start feeling a bit better soon.