So low

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cult logic, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I can't stand this anymore.

    I hate myself for it but I just can't focus in school. I'm barely even going. I just can't do it.

    And I feel like a ridiculous wimp for wanting to kill myself, but I have to.

    It's known that I have mental health problems, but not that I want to die. I don't want to get sent somewhere.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Talking to someone about how you feel can relieve some of the are not 'less than' because you are depressed, but there are things you can do for yourself (e.g. therapy, medications) which may change the quality of your life...there is a broad array of treatments betw not doing anything and being sent somewhere...see what can be done for you...all the best, J
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I do take medication, and do go to therapy, but it still doesn't seem to make a difference.

    I did once tell my mom that I wanted to kill myself, but she just said that if I told the therapist or anyone I would be sent to the hospital. Something that is not a pleasant prospect for me.

    My school counselor once inferred that I was feeling this way and I was kicked out of school for over a week.
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi Brandon,

    You're not a ridiculous wimp, you're here & posting & that takes a lot of courage :hug:.

    I would encourage you to discuss these feelings with your therapist, you won't get put in hospital for feeling suicidal, it's more likely to happen if you act on these feelings as there is big difference in wanting to kill yourself & actually trying.

    It's hard telling professionals that you feel this way, but they are there to help & it might be more beneficial for you if you are honest with them.

    Take care hun, Claire xx
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    It's not so much the therapist I'm worried about, it's my mom.

    Every time I'm there the therapist talks with her afterwards.

    She acts all understanding, but as soon as we're out of the building she's back to treating me like nothing is wrong, and that I'm just being difficult.
  6. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. sorry you are in a tough spot.

    it DOES take courage, as someone posted, to reach out here. and it also shows that you want help, you want to heal, that is very very positive.

    we do understand here at s.f, how you are feeling. no doubt about that. your mother is probably having a hard time because it is scary for her to actually '''accept'' that you are feeling this way.....because she would never want to lose you. . . so she is probably in denial.

    you are doing the right things. . . . try and keep talking to the therapist. be honest. if you are considering 'acting', then it IS important that you are kept safe. (on the other hand, i too feel 'upset' at any thought i'd get sent to the hospital) so i understand.
    keep reaching out here for support - and maybe if you lean on us, and keep on with the therapy - things will get better for you. . . i have a lot of hope for you, hun :hug:
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey BCS,
    Your mom was probably raised withe mind set that talking about mental issues is tabboo. In our life it has been passed down from our elders to think like this. If they have never had mental health issues they can't truly understand.
    Claire made a good point that you need to be honest with your therapist and tell all. That way they can better come up with a treatment plan for you. If by chance they want you to go to the hospital don't be afraid, it's nothing like the movies. The nurses are usually pretty nice and the floor techs do a good job seeing to your needs and making sure you are in a safe environment. Nothing bad will happen. The only problem is it is boring in there. You do alot of waiting. Take a book to pass the time. I just want to reassure you that it's not that bad.
    I hope your therapist is able to help you. Mine is wonderful and she knows everything about me...Take Care!!~Joseph~
  8. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    I spent a week in a mental health facility a long time ago and it was a waste of time. We did basket weaving and played basketball. I was bored out of my mind and there was nothing therapeutic about it.

    If you have any choice about it, I would recommend an outpatient situation rather than inpatient.
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I actually felt a little better today after 1 o'clock.

    Damn mood swings. I know I'll be back to feeling like crap tomorrow.

    Just can't forget to take my medicine again.
  10. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey. mood swings are the worst. hang in...thinking about you xx
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