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So many don't knows...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Nov 19, 2007.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    like where I should of put this. First it isn't really a thread. I don't need any replies. Secondly I'm past feeling suicidal. I am suicidal. I have taken the first step of three to carry out my plan. Can't put it in crisis cuz' this isn't a crisis. It is what I have to do and should of done about a week ago. It has three purposes. First to apologize for taking precious time from others that could be helped. Secondly to thank those who did try to help. Lastly to serve my own need. I am so tired of being alone. And I don't want to be alone at the end. And everyone has told me repeatedly that you are never alone at SF. So I'll keep reading the threads and helping if I can til the end.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    A very caring new member mailed me tonight. I was touched by his concern, but asked him to use it for others in this forum that need and want his help. SF is blessed to have so many caring people that want to help any way they can. I am grateful for all the caring I received here. Everything here is so big .....hearts, shoulders etc. You are all so wonderful and contribute in your own unique way.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm starting to have the littlest minutest dot of questioning. The first step is kicking in good. But what if it fails? I couldn't follow through with step two if it does. But then I will be left worse off (yeah it can be) then now. I wanted this to be so easy. Now it too is starting to be a demon like everything else in my miserable excuse for a life. And the loneliness is sooo bad. I wish I could of told someone, to make sure that someone knew I existed at all.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I don't know why I feel like this. Ican't shut down. I keep coming back here to check fornew members etc so ht I can atleast post them and try to help
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    stay with us hun, you really are never alone here and there is always help around.
    be safe and take care hun
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so scared. I didn't think it would take so long. But no turning back now. How could myfamily notknow how much I have been hurting for so long i don't care dead is dead and i wnat to be both eemotional and phtsicallyyy
  7. Up&down

    Up&down Well-Known Member

    Suicide is not an option

    I think of suicide almost daily but remember that chat I had with home less man in a pub he told me of how he was brought up in a middles class family and were very normal happy family. Then bang his dad killed himself, his mother drank herself to death within a year, his older sister who worked for a bank turned to crack to help with the pain then stole from her employers to feed her habbit got two years in jail and when released she went on the game to feed her new choice drug heroin which helps with the broken heart of losing her parents,His younger sister 18 or so got depressed went missing and nobody has seen or heard from her since, he looked at me and said I hate my Dad for what he did to us.

    That man did not know it but he has saved my life

    When suicde thoughts pops in my head now, my childrens faces chase them out again, I could not do that to my children and neither can you.

    Anybody who has no children or thinks they are alone, suicide is not an option for you, it effects, neighbours, friends, cpn's, old school friends etc etc, if anybody feels like suicide please pick up the phone and tell someone


    I'm Danny from Wales & new here I have BP which until 2005 was managed well with Lithium until one day I had a massive high and spent a load of my companies dosh on nothing in particular. They increase the does but it is not working again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2007
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I can't reply t oothers no more. What good is my waste of abody going to do forthem. Hurts so much, i can hardlu breathe. To much time abd to much thinking. I want to stay here please. You make me feel good about me. I don't want to be alone. l let me stay until its over. If idon't I will end up calling someine and cant do that now.
  9. lil-sis-one-of-two

    lil-sis-one-of-two Well-Known Member

    I have just read this.
    By the sound of your post you need to call 999.

    Hang in there you can through this, all you need is some help, I will try and help you all I can if you want.

    Let me know your ok.

  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sorry mustof dosed there. Thanks help you right I can get thruogh. I wilo not be a failure again and give them anothetr kick at this cat. Trust me, by the end of this da iwill be fine. No worries helpStay safe
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    goin now this thread done
  12. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: Stay safe..
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