So many failed attempts..

[JadeKelly]

I've been struggling with depression without any type of medication for a really long time and now I think maybe I need to talk to someone or do something else. I can normally handle whatever life throws at me but lately I have been having suicidal feelings.

I have attempted so many times.. I tried to OD on caffeine pills(recently) but all I could take was 3 before I got really sick. I told my supervisor and I went home. She didn't know I was trying to kill myself though.. I would've taken more but I didn't have the guts. I threw up and was really dizzy. I thought my heart was going to explode. It was horrid.

My worst suicide attempt was crashing my car. I was so angry. I just jumped in it, drove around and found a parking lot. There was a pole and a fence and I just revved the engine.. before I realized it the car hit the pole and jumped over a fence. It was actually on fire.. upside down. I could smell the flames- the whole passenger side was crushed.. I thought I was a goner..but I wasn't. I left my seatbelt on. I smelled the flames and knew I had to get out so I took my seatbelt off upside down and crawled out. Someone helped me climb over the fence..

I haven't really talked about these with many people..just therapists and whenever I was hospitalized.. *sigh*

 

[deepdarksecret]

wel i'm here for you if you ever wanna talk...i failed once before, unconscious for about 5 hours from an OD...the car thing sounds kind of amazing, but probably not the best experience, i'm really open about anything, just message me if you want to rant or ask questions or just talk =)

 

[silent_enigma]

I've been struggling with depression without any type of medication for a really long time and now I think maybe I need to talk to someone or do something else.

Definitely give both a try (talking to a professional and meds). What is there to lose?