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So many problems

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I feel like a mess between emotional and physical pain.

I am paranoid when I leave the room that people are talking about me. I constantly feel guilt for one reason or another. I don' feel like there is a therapist who can help me, who I can actually talk to- I'm very closed in but fragile. I break down freaquently, and my mum doesn't understand and trys so hard. I have sexual urges, and am confused about who I am. I've never had a relationship with anyone besides family. I don't leave my house. I've been diagnosed as severly depressed. I do feel stupid, jealous, and insicure all of the time. I'm stressed out, and believe I might have anxiety issues. I usually don't see a future, but sometimes I think about How I could be healthy, training dogs for different purposes.

I have no meaning here other than to prevent more pain to my family.
The words, Faith, hope, and happiness have lost their true meaning.


Well-Known Member
The words you wrote are clearly written by someone, as you say, who is 'severely depressed'.

First off, it is totally common to think that there is not a therapist, nor anyone, out there that can help you, but that is not true. There is always at least one person who can truly help, and it is just a case of finding them.

It is also natural to struggle to open up to a therapist. It takes time and trust before people feel safe enough to do that, and therapists should understand this, mine certainly did. Maybe, if you are willing to try a therapist you could try writing things down, maybe you could start off having e-mail contact with him/her or something to help you build up feeling safe. There are therapists out there that do that. If you are from the UK then I can easily point you in the direction of where to find someone accommodating like that, and another way is to see your doctor.

A large part of a lot of peoples depression is crying and breaking down, when this happens, could you get a hug from someone? Or do you have a teddy you can hug? It might make it a bit more bearable.

It's really good that your mum is trying to help. Maybe you could try and educate her about mental health problems, you could research on the web and then print off appropriate bits of literature about depression/anxiety/paranoia, etc, and show her. She won't ever be able to fully understand (but then no one can), but she can have a good shot at learning more.

You don't mention how old you are, but remember that sexual urges are normal and healthy, maybe you could work at releaving those yourself.

It can take a long time and a lot of experiences to figure out who you are, and some people never do, but essentially, you are you, and maybe you could learn to appreciate your positive qualities. Everyone has positive qualities and it is about trying to see them in yourself, for example, in you I can see a clearly intelligent person (I could see that because you articulate yourself very well and can communicate very well in written word), and also someone who wants to get better and is reaching out for help. I also see someone who wants to help others (you mentioned you wanted to train dogs and those dogs would be used to help others with problems/disabilities).

Could you make tiny little baby steps towards your aim? Training dogs up would be so wonderfully satisfying, and animals are great healers too, so it would also aid you and your mental well-being. Do you have dogs at home? Could you maybe get one and use it as incentive to get yourself out the house, or your room. I have heard a lot of stories of pets helping people over come depression and anxiety problems. Pets are non judgemental friends and are priceless. If right now you think a dog would be too much, maybe get something smaller, like a hamster. But ONLY if you think that you could give it a good quality of life and meet its physical and emotional needs.

Or maybe your first step to becoming a dog trainer could be by joining local dog charities, or something, to help them. There are always thigsn that can be done via the internet or post, or at home, maybe you could look into it.

Also, it would give you a sense of purpose. I could tell you reasons you are here and how improtant you are, as could anyone, but they don't mean anything unless you believe them. It's good you know that your family care and love you and would miss you, and you need to fight through this for them.

I'm sorry this reply was so bitty, hopefully there was something helpful in there. If you want to chat feel free to pm me

Take care
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