there not easy for me to talk about. One of the first things that’s been bothering me is thecurrent state of how things are going on at my house, The fact that I’m23(going on 24) and still living at home with my mom and aunt. The fact thatI’m still jobless and not in college im currently trying to get into college butit’s so **** hard in my position even with financial aid, there’s still thematter the of books and ****. As for the job problem I’ve tried on multipleoccasions to go out and apply for a job but everywhere I go says they aren’thiring. I don’t know what to do. The country’s ******* economy is so ****ingstupid right now…it’s enough to make me pull my hair out!!!!!!! Another problem I’m having is finding a gf. people have been telling me it’s better to stay alone, but that’s easy to say for some people who have already or still have somebody to be with… no I don’t think it’s going to be all paradise and love birds getting a gf…but at least it will give me someone to be with. I’m just so **** lonely, always sitting at home home feeling like a worthless scumbag…going online to Facebook, VP, the playstation network and all the other social networks with my friends on it and having to see that all my friends have someone to be happy with. Which is also another problem all the friendsI have are online! I try to go out and make friends but these days you can’t really go out to anywhere without money so I’m **** out of luck when it comes to that department. And then there’s another major problem my feeling s for this singer i like …….not because she’s a good looking woman but because of her Igenerally think she’s a great person…..and she reminds me of a friend I onceknew….a girl named Emily ...she was the nicest most beautiful woman I hadever encountered . she was always very friendly to me always seemed to know ifI was in a bad mood always hugged me when I was feeling bad and always stood upfor me. She was a great woman….naturally I was in love with Emily……and she knewabout it and was very flattered by it but she wanted to be just friends…..whichwas ok with me…I was glad she at least wanted to be that much. But there was avery small part of me that wanted more, especially since her bf back then was amajor was a major douchbag. But I minded my own business like a good boy and keptto myself. When I met you know who (Chibi) for the first time in real life…Ireally saw Emily in her a little bit…which was one of the main reasons I fellfor her….only problem is I managed to get over her Emily…..,Chibi is another story now….I’ve partially gotten over her…but its stil there….like a splinterin my heart driving me crazy… I’ve managed to find and meet other girls who remind of Chibi and Emily but they to always end having BFS to(and sometimes GFS) at one time I thought there was a purpose for everything…like there was a reason I met Emily and Chibi……..but now I’m not sure anymore I think at this point god isjust torturing me for fun. I don’t know if there is anyone out there for me….atthis point in my life I’ve giving up entirely on any hope of me ever meetingthe girl of my dreams. I don’t think there is another half for me…. I thinksome people are just meant to be miserable….and I’m one of um. There’s one thing I’m sure of is and that’s Iknow I have no shot with either Emily or Chibi or any woman that I fall for. What’s bad about all this is I think its effecting my health….I’ve been having a lot of chest pains and sometimes my left arm gets numb and sore….Italked to a friend who is a nurse and she said it could be early warning signsof a heart attack…..I don’t know. im not sure how much more i can take of this life. more and more each day it feels like im going crazy, it feels so empty inside and i don’t know why! its driving my insane. i cry all the time it seems. it feels like some has reached in and ripped a piece of my heart out and now it won’t stop bleeding!!!! There those are my problems..