What's going on that has brought you to this point? Please find someone to talk with. Let them know how you feel. It can be someone here, or in RL. Many of us have had those very same feelings. We understand. You have taken the first step in posting here. Thank you for your courage in doing that. Now let us offer you supportin helping you to find a way to get through these intense feelings. Stay safe. :hug:
But you also want to live. In fact, you have all kinds of thoughts and feelings. At present you are feeling and experiencing suicidal thoughts. Please keep in mind these are only thoughts. I can think about winning the lottery all day and it doesn't make it happen or true. Having suicidal thoughts does not mean you have to kill yourself.
Also, feelings are temporary as well as thoughts. The feelings you are having now will, in fact, change. Depression can be a terrible struggle because the unpleasant feelings tend to linger far longer than they should. But even they pass.
There are some things you can do to get past this vulnerable moment and change your thoughts and feelings. It's not easy but please try:
The mind and feelings can change if you focus, really focus on Fsomething logical or non-feeling. It can help pull you out of the emotional and thinking rut your in. Counting ceiling tiles, or colors or square shapes.. anything. Counting and looking for stuff puts your mind into "problem solving mode" and reduces the emotions and self harm thoughts. Word puzzles, picture puzzles, coloring, painting, drawing. Even if your not good the time, thought and energy to focus on these things pulls your mind out of the emotional turbulence.
Once you get out of the emotional turbulence some go to step 2, self soothe. That is, a warm bath or shower, scented candles, calming music, hot chocolate, a good book and a warm blanket in your favorite chair. Something that feels like you are doing something nice for yourself and relaxing. message, etc..
From this state of mind you will probably be able to sleep. There is a LOT of energy consumed in suicidal thoughts and feelings, fighting them, and "winding down".
you can get through this. Please give it a try.
be well, be safe
Just want to echo what has been said...and hope you can give us a chance...we understand what it feels like to be standing on the edge and feeling desperate.....we're here for you....whats going on?....-Jodi