Im currently 20 years old and I still live with my parents, and I have never had a girlfriend either. I have been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder along with alot of depression and loneliness for years now. As I write this, I am currently in a very bad frame of mind. It seems as if the depression has worsened, alot of it has to do with the weekend and seeing people around me so happy - and I feel like I am reaching the breaking point I am glad that I registered with this site. However, I feel like I am reaching a point with my depression that is scaring me. I keep having persistent fantasies and thoughts of ending my life and checking out of this world. I was crying all night as I was going over in my head how bad things are and how so damn lonely I feel, and I couldn't stop crying. It's been a bad, bad time and I am tired, tired, tired of this condition and of all the things that go along with it: depression, loneliness, shame, missed opportunities, tons of regrets. I dont want to repeat what I said that pissed everyone off, but as I look around I see guys and girls who are in their teens, 20s who are outgoing, happy, or who are dating and having relationships, and I get really sad. I never did any of that. I realize that because of this SA and because of all of the depression and the self-esteem issues that I have blown a large portion of my life. Im sorry if it looks as though I'm feeling sorry for myself again but this really hurts!!!! I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts. I don't know what to do. It's hard to press on and to continue on with life when you feel like there is no way out or no better way.