so much going much pain

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Feb 17, 2013.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    I am pretty damn discouraged now. I am trying to do so many things at once and everyone wants more from me but I have nothing left. Im having really bad painful headaches which i try to ignore but sometimes i cant. im exhausted from not sleeping. i lay awake at night thinkiing about things i have to do the next day. I usually run on 5 1/2 to 6 hrs, which is not enough for me to function on. im trying to lose weight which isnt working very well but i keep trying anyway...and my sis drives me nuts and hovers over me about it. i love the elementary school i work at but it leaves me nearly exhausted everyday. when i come home from N. school i cant get my words out and it angers me. this never used to happen. i know what i want to say but i cannot speak the words. i look at someone at the barn and i cant remember their name or the name of an object i/they need. i get so frustrated because i can see whats happening but everyone else brushes it off along with my feelings. it hurts being told that what i feel is nothing, or be told to 'cowboy up'. I HATE those words. i work thru so much pain either at school or at the barn..physical pain that forces me to the ground or into tears but i continue to keep it hidden cuz no one cares. I spend endless hours doing hw at N. school, at home, and very late at night. I spend 40 hrs a week at work and I probably spend at least 30 hrs on top of that doing hw. Ontop of that I was dealing with sweetie's surgery and the 2 weeks of she was in the cage. Often I want to just sit down and cry because nothing works the way its supposed to. My laptop crashed friday afternoon which led to total loss of information, pictures, videos, and worst of all college ocuments/projects etc. my brain never stops it runs 100 mph all the time, even when i sleep. my lexapro(anxiety med) seems to not be working anymore, i am nervous/anxious most of the time. my hands shake 100% of the time now, sometimes its very subtle most of the time it isnt...its like my insides have a vibrartor attached. my whole body and theres nothing i can do to stop it and docs wont do anything.

    all of this has affected my mood, i get angry very easily, i lose my cool a lot. its not an excuse it just is.

    I feel like i have given 100% of myself but its never enough for anyone. I give everything to other people. I have nothing left. NOTHING...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Then hun time to step back away for all those people you give 100 percent to and start giving that 100 percent to you and your well being The hell with everyone else ok
    You will push yourself to a stroke if you are not careful Ask for some time of work Make a point in the day to just sit down for 10 minutes even and have a tea something to eat and just be quiet ok h ugs to you

    You need to call your doctor about the lexapro as well it may need to be adjusted some hugs