So much has changed since the last time I logged into here. It's not that I stopped being depressed or anything of that sort, but I just didn't feel up to logging in. The last thread I made here was about the possibility of me having cancer. I got the results, and for more than a month now I'm forced to live with the reality of me having lung cancer. It's not as difficult as I would have thought it would be about 7 years ago, when there was no sign of depression within me. I've started my treatement, even though I'm pretty sure that things will probably go wrong again and I won't make it after all. Really, it doesn't matter. I have neutral feelings when it comes to it. I don't feel sad because of it. No, my depression comes from elsewhere. It's something I got used to, long ago. It's funny, because, ever since the day I learned that I'm sick, my life started changing rapidly as I thought it never would. I got back to the UK from Japan. I applied for another university, where I might get accepted. I got my first boyfriend, I met him through an old friend of mine. He showed an interest in me, and I admit I responded mostly because I felt the need to just be with someone for once in my life. We have been together for a month, and, well, it isn't exactly like I had expected it to be. I can't say I'm in love, I'm just..Well, I don't know. Maybe it was a mistake after all. I just don't know. And he doesn't know that I'm this sick either. Not many people know after all. And I'm just...Even though life is a bit better now, I'm still this way. And I hate it. Because I know I should at least be greatful for what I have now, and stop complaining already. It could be worse, it really could be worse..