So much hate for the ones we "love".

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Smashed__, Aug 31, 2008.

  1. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I have so much hate running through me It is burning me out. I feel jeasousy too easily. I cry too often and over everything. I honestly want to die- yet If I could be happy, truely happy I'd want to live. I know I'll never be happy, why am I staying around? Why? because of my fucking family. I love them for not leaving me..for seeming to care. Yet I hate them for keeping me here. this guilt has been like a weight in my chest and I can't breathe anymore. I just don't want to keep going.

    I'm no more depressed than I have been, but I feel like i've been in a low for a long time. not my worst or anything, not a crash just very very low. I've been able to still do jokes, and have some happiness when I found my foster pup his new home. I can still make everyone laugh but I am hurting badly on the inside. I think part of it is I am sick, not really sleeping and before being sick I haven't been able to stop having thoughts (all thoughts about everything) and sleep without pills.

    It's too much. If I have to be here, I just want to be numb.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    That's the worst part of all this. Feeling. Having so many inside you and yet keeping up the facade for those we love and care about. It can make you angry at them like they are just supposed to know that the smiles and jokes arent real. Hun I dont know what else to say except that I understand where you are coming from. And it sucks big time!!! If you want to talk about it please drop me a pm.