I've been doing so well lately- not throwing up. I've been eating regularly and keeping everything down. I couldn't sleep tonight though. I kept thinking about how much weight I must be gaining and how ugly I am and how much I fucking hate myself. ...ended up in the bathroom for 3 hours early thismorning- head in the toilet. My whole body aches now I just want to die and get it over with. I hate myself so much. even f I did like myself somehow- the person who I care most about doesn't like me anymore. It wouldn't matter how fantastic I looked- he's over me. sick of me. I am too. I'm so sick of myself and how much of a giant fail I am. My tongue is burning and I feel so weak I don't want to tell anyone. I just wanna fade away quietly. how much longer do I have to live through this pain? I'm not going to bother eating anymore. Just water. Hopefully no one heard me. -____- Can this pain really be stopped? -this gut wrenching feeling I feel all the time- the hatred I feel for myself and my image- the stress I feel every day even if I'm never in public... Everyone expects me to be okay. I've got to look decent- I've go to smile. I can't fucking do it anymore. I can't even fake it. I guess I wanted to know... has anyone truly recovered from their ED? honestly?