So much on my mind.. so to make a breif list here it is: (Taken from my diary thread) Now to get into slightly more detail.. Food: So today my food stamps refilled, I finally got some food, but I'm way too concerned with money. And when I eat I feel sick for some reason.. I think I may have a gluten allergy because I've been having issues with certain foods, so today I bought all things without gluten..I got a whole cooked chicken, some gluten free crackers, some sweet and sour sauce to make another stir fry, hummus for crackers, apple juice, and some danimals yo-gurt for breakfast.. Recently I have been hardly eating because I feel sick and I'm so concerned with money.. Money: I currently live on Disability and it is hard to do anything being in the USA.. It seems if I try to get a real job, I fear loosing my health coverage. And then it may also affect my Disability funds and my Food stamps.. So I have to find something I can get payed for with cash.. And I guess for now I may have something.. I have someone in my therapy program who just got a job at this pizza place and I may get payed from her to help with sign holding and to help re-do the place and get business.. As it is currently I basically see about $272 a month total for food, toilet paper, cat supplies, etc.. Everything except bills.. I'm really hating the USA right now.. Past: So I lost my brother in April 2005 a day before he turned 13.. And it always is a hard time of year for me. I also lost an Aunt to cancer in March of 2003.. Then I have some past history of suicide attempts.. One in particular where I was dead for a little while.. Yet I can't seem to understand what really happened.. Anyway, it's hard to explain.. Medical: I just had a doctor visit with my new doctor yesterday.. Had to get STD tested because there was this jerk guy at my complex who used me for sex few weks ago.. Anyway, I was checked and got a pill for yeast infection and took the pill yesterday.. I'm worried about the STD results and I will actually know those results on my birthday, as I go back there for the results of that April 14th.. As well as I got my blood drawn for gluten allergies.. So I'll know that too.. And I get my 2nd Aids swab then.. Sigh.. Was really uncomfortable.. Anyway, I am still waiting for the pharmacy here to get in the cream stuff I'm supposed to use.. Unfortunately my insurance wont pay for it and I'm not sure how much it is.. I may end up not even getting it.. bleh.. Horses: So April 9th I get to do this horse training to be a volunteer at a horse therapy place.. I'm kinda excited to go and can't wait.. My only concerns are if I will be able to handle being out so much and use so much energy with what little food I eat and be OK.. Other: I have a girlfriend now and I'm excited about that, but I'm also very nervous as I've had a lot of relationship problems in the past.. And I really don't want to screw this up.. My Birthday is April 14th, I'll be 20 I haven't had a suicide attempt yet.. And thats good considering I've had one every April since 2007.. One of my Aunts will have surgery for a pacemaker for her heart on April 8th (Day before Horse thing) And I'm a bit concerned as I have already lost people this time of year that I was close to.. -------------------------------------------------- So I guess that's the basics.. If you want to call it that.. My mind is just spinning a lot.. Going between happy, depressed and worried pretty quickly..