so much time i dont want to do it again *Warning - sexual content*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spd, Dec 6, 2007.

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  1. spd

    spd Member

    i been jacking off all day. i went 3 days without and now i have cum 4 times, spent the whole day trying to cheer myself up. i have so much work to do and am not bothering what is the point? i work hard on my college work, or my drivers test, deal with the torture of concentrating on something whille my heart is beating violently and in pain from despair, guilt, anguish, worry, my heart asking for relief with fantasy and porn. i dont care about this accomplishment bullshit i feel the same way if i get 40% in a exam as if i got 100%. i dont want 100% on an exam i want a woman. what is the point it will not make me happy. the void i need to fill is a woman, i cannot stop thinking of it and if i got one i would not be so hopeless. mastrubating relieves me somewhat, but after i cum i feel terrible and lonely and the haze is cleared. after next week its like a month before i go back to college. at least in collge i can keep trying and failing to talk to girls.

    everyone moving on except me so no wonder i wont get a girl, i dont even wantto move on i want my time back, its easy to move on for them. after next week i have a whole xmas in isolation apart from my family, they are useless i don't want to spend time with my family i want a woman and stop telling me don't be desperate, because the situation im in causes me to be desperate i can't just turn it off and on. i want romantic conversations with young women if any conversation i dont want stupid pointless disgusting conversations with men and old women unless im trying to get to know her social group or with my gaming partner online. i dont like it because i want what i want, i dont want something else, ffs, dont give it to me fuckign keep it.

    ive spent xmas alone every year xmas is the loneliest time of the year, it reminds me of my failure etc. valentines day is not the worst for reminding you of your worhtlessness, valentines day is one single day, this fucking xmas shit takes weeks and even though its not designed for couples and romance i see these commercials with couples iceskating at xmas then it gives a closeup of there hands holding it makes me sick and i hate myself. im sure a lot of sex happens on new years and other parties also. i have to sit or lie here knownig that there is probably hundreds of women in my city having a great time being fucked by some man at the very moment i am thinking it.

    a couple new years i got very drunk in my room from vodka to ease the pain of hearing all the fireworks outside. new years, GREAT! another shitty and pointless year of failure gone. i absolutely hate xmas and the 'xmas dinner' just makes me more depressed i wish there was none. i dont want or need a stupid xmas dinner which my mother waste so much time by her own will making this shit whether i tel her its a waste of time or not, u put the fuckign food in your mouth and keeps u alive, thats the fucking purpose u eat enough to fucking live idc about dumbass useless luxuries whats the poitn seriously? i dont want an xmas dinner, i want a woman. i have a feeling this xmas is going to be the longest and hardest i've had. i wish i could move out but i have no money or job and i dont want my job back tbh. if i cut my throat it would cut short this bs.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2007
  2. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Re: so much time i dont want to do it again

    hey how old are you?
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Re: so much time i dont want to do it again

    It's good that you know what you want. But now it's time for you to sit down and think about what you really need.. Having a woman to full fill your sexual and romantic urges is one thing. But what do you need in this woman to have her help you fill this massive void in your life? Give it some thought and then set your goals to going about getting it. People by nature are social beings. When you suffer through depression or any mental health issue, it can change your status as one of those beings. And the isolation it creates can be unbearable. By just wanting a woman to fill that part of your life, you will not really rid yourself of it. It's not fair to either of you in that situation and you will only bring yourself more pain and isolation. Next time you need to masterbate, think about what that woman would really need to be like to be a serious part of your life and not just a fantasy any longer. Hope you find what you really need rather than want.
     
  4. spd

    spd Member

    Re: so much time i dont want to do it again

    the massive void is a woman therefore the woman would fill it

    o_O
    no
    yes i will because then i will have a woman and therefore the woman part will be filled
    yes it is
    no it wont
    obviously she would be like in the fantasy.
    o_O
    tell an third world anorexic kid who craves food "u need to focus on what u need not what u wnat and eating will not fill ur void for food".
     
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're a really hungry guy, both sexually and emotionally. Um, have you tried call girls?
     
  6. daniel2

    daniel2 Banned Member

    I hear you. there's a space that only a girl fills. the good news is that girls need the same thing. you gotta have guts and ask one out. make a pact with yourself that you will try at least once a day to talk to a girl. have a plan. you dont have to even think that shes that pretty. say this to the waitress or the sales girl "excuse me, i was wondering if you want to go out some time". the rule is that by the 3rd date you can have sex.
    hope that helps
     
  7. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. No really I DO. I just turned 21 and never had a gf, never had a kiss, they never gave me a chance. I'll let you know that I will not try and sugar coat it and make you feel like, "Oh there is one waiting for you somewhere in your life" b/c I really don't feel that way. Every year does fee like a failure, I don't care what other people say. I hate being around couples, I'm renting an house with 4 couple now. Can you imagine what its like here, I'm the only one single in the house and the guys like to act like dicks and ask me awkward questions. My uncles keep telling me to just go through college and women will be at my doorstep but wtf do they know? I have the highest education in my entire family, my uncles and aunts had kids in highschool. They don't have degrees and they don't know what its like to study engineering, its truly the most painful experience especially when your alone.

    I understand how you feel man and its hard to keep focusing on school and trying to get a girl. In fact the truth is I came to this forum to see what people felt about suicide so I could get an idea of how my friends and familly would feel once I die. I'm sick and tired of feeling worthless too and I'm tired of failing exams, studying, and trying to make myself better for women who demand perfection from their men. If you ever feel like talking then I'll be here. I understand your pain.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2007
  8. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I know just how you feel. The only thing that can fill the void is a girl. I'm obsessed with sex and think about it constantly... drives me nuts. I'm well over 26, now, and I still haven't found my girl. It's not that I'm ugly; in fact, I'm far from it; the problem lies in, among other things, that I cannot possibly ever have more than one girl, so I'm reluctant even to try finding her; if I'd lose my virginity to the wrong girl, I'd have to die (that includes kissing and touching through clothes, and similar things). Unfortunately, that isn't the only obstacle; I have restrictions that add up into too much. For instance, she couldn't possibly want children; children have no place in a relationship based on true love (and constant sex). Also, she, like me, would have to be a complete virgin, as well. Yes, anyone that feels is free to hate me, for saying that, but that is an unavoidable fact.

    If I had that girl, things would be so different... I'd do everything for her, and we'd constantly be having sex. That is what life is all about... having sex, all the time, with your true love, without the spiteful consequence of pregnancy.
     
  9. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    i understand too... it feels so hopeless, just hoping everyday something amazing like love would happen but the more you wait the more you hurt.

    i know for a fact it exists though.. i used to be so in love with this girl, more than just lust, a feeling of completeness when im around her. But who was i kidding, i was just building myself up to smash myself down.
     
  10. onemorething

    onemorething Member

    Hey man I can imagine what you're going through. I have a similar situation. Imagine being me for a sec...you have a girl...you have regular vaginal sex...but your ultimate fantasy is having anal sex....she lets you do it once or twice...its awesome...you two get serious....she starts talking about getting married...both families start pressuring you to get married....then she tells you that you won't ever get anal again because she has decided that it just goes against her religious morals too much....you beg her all the time...she cries and tells you to understand.....it was like being starved and then you work so hard to convince someone to feed you and they give you a little piece of food....then they say they will never give you any food ever again. I don't care how shallow it sounds, but I would give up my f*cking left arm if a girl would give me anal every time I needed it! Seriously sexual frustration sucks ass!:dry:
     
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It's so sad that you can only think with the head that hangs between your legs and not the one that sits on your shoulders.
     
  12. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Well, I hope that wasn't generally directed towards all that are obsessed with sex.

    I most certainly think with the head that sits on my shoulders. Of course, since the glans does not contain a brain, that isn't too surprising, but even in a figurative meaning, it is untrue. Why do thoughts about sex deserve so little respect? Also, does one who has broken one's leg, think with one's leg, if one wants it repaired?
     
  13. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    Humans are sexual creatures. Its natural and should be acceptable.
     
  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hae Gi and pioneer, yes sex deserves respect. I only meant that it is sad that because of ones obsession you can't think clear thoughts in your head and that your thoughts are ruled by your obsession. Just as i find it sad for those that suffer constant thoughts of suicide or self harm ( I fall into that category). With all these obsessions, they rule you and it takes over your daily life!!! And you can do little else but try to feed those thoughts. I can relate to the sexual obsessions here like I relate to the blade I use that cuts my wrists and arms. It is the only thing I want at that point in time. It gives me control, release, I can feel it, taste it, it is my everything and the only way to find relief even if only temporary, and I feel like I would do anything to insure I get it. Hope that clears things up a bit.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2007
  15. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    just get you a blow up doll... you can get them online or at any sex shop if its sex you crave all the time.. they look real, they feel real, and you dont have to worry about getting and sexual diseases..

    you can also buy things for your pleasure without a blow up doll that gives you sexual pleasure just like anal..

    that is if you want sex all the dang time..

    did you know a man only can get so many erections then thats it, no more..????

    sounds to me like you need to get your minds off of sex.

    i am a female and to tell you the truth i have not had any sex whatsoever and that includes any masterbation for well over 4 years.. and i am not thinking about it nor have any desire for any at the moment.

    my mind is upon heaven and things above and not lusts of the flesh..

    if you want sex so much, join a commuin that basically has sex all the time in their worships and everything.. or get a blow up doll..
     
  16. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Kind of few alternatives, there... I, at least, was quite clear on that promiscuity isn't an option. As for a blow-up doll... why would I want a doll? I want a real girl, not a doll! There is no spirituality in "sex" with a blow-up doll, nor in silicone dolls, either. Sex is worth nothing without spirituality, which only is created between two humans.

    As for men being unable to get more than a limited amount of erections... I don't know if it even is true, but I honestly don't care at all about that. I do not want to live a long life, and I won't, either. Of course, I would have to find a girl that feels the same on that.
     
  17. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    okay , suppose you get a girl that has sex with you anytime you want her to.. she bends over backwords to please you in every way every time.. what happens when she dont want it anymore?

    what happens if she gets sick or in a car wreck and is paralized unable to have sex with you anymore.. what then?

    you just going to dump her? find you someone else that can have sex with you?

    what if you were the one hurt,?

    okay lets turn this around, suppose you find a woman who wants sex all the time and shes just wanting it so bad that she finds you and you too have the greatest sex every day, then you get hurt and can no longer have sex with her , so she dumps you, because you cant have sex anymore...

    it takes love no sex to make a relationship last.

    according to most of you men on here, thats all you think about is sex, sex, sex, it looks to me like you are selfish and want things your way, pleasure your way without thinking of the other person..

    so if a woman cant have sex with you every day and everytime with you, then shes no good??

    at least thats the way i see all you putting it... or is this little dove wrong????
     
  18. Nox

    Nox Member

    i think spd just wants the closeness of a woman more than sex.

    my suggestion to you is chatrooms.i meat my ex girlfriend over a chatroom,and she wasnt that bad of a looker.

    just make sure that if youre not physically attractive,dont give them your picture until youve talked with them for a while,and they get to like your character.and dont give up on the first try,i can take weeks.
     
  19. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    there are lots of girls out there, you are just not giving them and yourself a chance, they will not come to your door you have to ask them out,, you can do it, and girls u love you, if you want to be with a girl this bad, there are lots... just ask them out, and keep trying and you will be fine...
     
  20. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    You obviously don't understand. I even mentioned spirituality, yet you label me as some womaniser, despite of me always having been clear on the importance of me only having one girl, EVER. If I'd get together with the wrong girl, and I would have lost my complete virginity, I can assure you I would kill myself. I'd have to try again in another life, instead, then.

    As for if we couldn't have sex... first of all, I obviously wouldn't try to get together with a girl who wouldn't like sex. Secondly, yes, without sex, it wouldn't work. That is just how it is. My hypothetical one and only girl would agree... sex is endlessly important...

    Lastly, what makes you think she would be there to please ME, all the time? How about me doing everything to please HER all the time, instead? If she wouldn't like it, I wouldn't like it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 8, 2007
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