So much to do, so little time.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jj454, Jan 12, 2012.

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  1. jj454

    jj454 New Member

    Hi, I'd prefer to stay anonymous so you can call me J.

    I'm 18 years old, and I've dropped out of school, going back is not an option. I cannot get my G.E.D until my graduating class, graduates. Which is the end of this school year. I have no Job, and no where around me is hiring. I am stuck. I know you might think it is rather pathetic, for me to want to kill myself over this, and I'll explain why.


    My father, is a selfish man, an arrogant man, and an insecure man. He thinks times are fine, that getting a job is as easy as it has always been. (Note that I do not have a license, and therefore can only get a job that is within walking distance, and note that it is winter and where I live 20 degrees F, isn't uncommon) I'm under threat of being kicked out of my house, and if I'm kicked out in the winter, I will die. There are no homeless shelters around here, no back alleys, just homes, forest, and strip malls. Hypothermia will be what kills me. Also, if you're wondering if I have a mother, then yes but she is spineless, and cannot offer any help if it contradicts what my father says.


    I just want to die. I am stuck, I will have no place to go.
    There is one thing stopping me from killing myself, and that is my girlfriend, she's 3 years younger then me, but we've been together coming up to a year now and I am in love with her, and I've talked to her about suicide and she burst out in tears, and wouldn't stop crying, and I can't do that to her, I really can't.


    This still sounds pathetic... let me explain,

    Every week or so (of failing to get a job) my father will "talk" with me, which is essentially him breaking me down, attacking me (verbally), it's as if he WANTS to hurt me. Yesterday though, he crossed the line. He even brought my relationship up, I mean fuck him. He is a horrible husband, and he has the audacity to bring my relationship up? Tell me I'm a bad boyfriend, etc. That I'm USING my girlfriend, That is what really got me, I've been dealing with him breaking me down for 18 years, so I was used to it, but he brought my girlfriend up, he actually fucking did that, and I can't let it go.

    I don't want to deal with this anymore, I have no way out. None. Fuck, I'm sorry... I'll post this but I have no idea what I'm saying, I'm just so angry right now. Like there is so much on my mind I can't put it into words, there is so much I need to tell you for you to understand.


    I don't even know if anyone is going to read this, but if you do, and have questions then I'll answer them. It's just that there is too much on my mind to write right now, and I'm having trouble staying on track.
     
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I think all your parents really want is proof that you're doing something with your life. Why do think you have to wait til your class graduates to get your GED? I'm pretty sure that at 18 years old, you can just go and sign up anytime you wish. I got my GED before and that's what I did.

    Here's what you should do:

    1. Get your GED.
    2. Keep looking for a job.
    3. Try to get your driver's license.
     
  3. jj454

    jj454 New Member

    No, I have to wait. At least that is the law in my state.
    I also need the 300+ $ to do the prep classes then the 150$ to do the test. (Which my parents will not pay for)
    I need 75$ to get a drivers license, 25$ for the written test, and 50$ for the final drive, that is assuming my parents will let me use their car.


    Like I said, I am stuck.
     
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