So, no one will read this in an appropriate time frame ...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by StillShattered, Dec 19, 2011.

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  1. StillShattered

    StillShattered New Member

    You sign up because you are in crisis because you need someone because you have no one

    You jump through far too many hoops to get registered because the set up is awkward and ill-suited for crisis care

    Live chat someone in the NOW, which is what is needed is denied because despite being logged in, it claims you are an invalid user

    and now, to try an alternative to live support - which is what is needed - you resort to the message forums

    You're notified that your post won't appear until approved by a moderator


    In desperation, one arrives
    seeking to grasp onto a lifeline

    only to find

    it is an illusion
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You words are read they are understood but with a forum as this we have to be careful members have to be screened so they do not cause harm to the very vulnerable here hun I do want you to know that you can pm any one of us and we will do our best to get back to you We are all just members like yourself some of us still very ill but will reach out w hen we have the strength to help The forum members support each other as well as we can Please pm me anytime if you need to talk okay I am sorry you are struggling now as many are this time of year Please pm any of us and we will do our best to help you Welcome to SF hun
  3. sevendust

    sevendust Active Member

    Hi, welcome to the forum. I thought the same when I registered, I just joined on the 17th, and I have access to chat, Etc.... now 19th. Like yourself, I was desperate for support, but truth is, all forums go through initial approval phase. If your in need of immediate attention, you can alway's contact 911 or national crisis helpline, or as moderator stated, someone in staff.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Crisis lines are the best ones to call you will get immediate attention okay or call hospital as said or go in and get the support you need take care okay
  5. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi StillShattered :)

    Firstly, welcome to SF. I'm sorry that you are apparently struggling at the moment, and I hope that you will give SF a chance.. it's a very kind and caring community.

    I'm sorry that you are frustrated with the registration process in SF, I can see where you are coming from, so I hope you'll be able to see my point of view in return. I've had a nose around other support forums and the registration for such places is exactly the same as here, if not more frustrating. I think most members upon arriving at this site probably felt the same sense of dissatisfaction at first, but in my opinion it is worth remembering that this site is for people like yourself. People who are hurting, and are frightened, and are desperate, and in need of support, a listening ear, just to have people to communicate with who will understand. It may surprise you, but unfortunately there are many, many people in the world who seem to get their kicks out of upsetting people, encouraging people to follow through with suicide, basically trolling sites such as this. I hope you can understand how that can't be tolerated, how everyone here is vulnerable, and the mods and admins of this site have a duty to protect its members. Most members here have to fight with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, therefore support needs to be put in place to protect those who are very ill. Don't get me wrong, I can see how frustrating it is when you're so desperate, when you're reaching out for support, and it's not as immediate as you would like, but it is there for the protection of members of this community. And now you are a member of this community, should you choose to stay, you will also be as protected as is possible from possible troublemakers who might find a site like this and try to abuse people.

    I hope you choose to stay around, and reach out to members here. We're all here for different reasons, but the outcome is still the same.. we're all in pain. Please write more if you feel able, I look forward to reading more posts from you.

    Take care,
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    access for a new member to use the chatrooms here is a little delay until the administrators do what is needed to enable usage of chatrooms.. is done fairly quickly considering how busy they are..
  7. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear StillShattered,

    I think these are precautions to protect this site from certain newly registered members - "trolls" or spammers - that may want to harm people. In the past, it is my understanding that trolls - in the vast minority - have caused problems on the forums, hence the delay now in member activation... a change for the safety and well-being of our members. The good news is the activation is done manually and consistently - as soon as staff approves your posts. The wait is rarely more than a few hours. Lastly, I hope good things here come into play for you and that you decide to stay and take advantage of all the resources here.... Welcome, and please take care of you. :]

  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I really hope you're OK, and that you come back for support. I'm sorry it took a few hours for your account to be fully activated, but as others have said, it's for the safety of the members here. Admins activate accounts as fast as possible, but I really do understand your frustration.
  9. StillShattered

    StillShattered New Member

    I'm here.

    As the owner/moderator of an online support group for widows for 10 years now, I do understand the issues of protecting a group from troublemakers; however, I find it problematic, a site that bills itself as "a support forum for people in crisis" can be virtually inaccessible during a crisis. Oh well, what can you do? We all do the best we can, with what we have to work with.

    No, a crisis line is not always the "best" option. A crisis line is only an option when one has a phone and the ability to pay for the service. At other times, seeking connection by grabbing a public wi-fi can be the only way to reach out.

    That is, when/if there's anyone to reach out to.

    No, it's not a "time of year" thing for me, although this time of year does impact my emotions. That is, if by "this time of year" we're talking about the time of year during which my husband, my daughter, and my father all died, during the same year. So no, it's not a holiday thing. It's not the inundation of the media declaring that it's the happiest time of the year or the lack of loved ones to spend the holidays with.

    When pain and struggle outweighs one's ability to cope ...
    not that the pain and struggle haven't been there
    for days ... months ... years ...
    and I have managed to survive
    and even appear to thrive

    appearances can be deceiving

    It sucks to be the strong one, the one everyone else goes to for help, for strength, for support. It sucks to reach out repeatedly, to try to get help, only to have everyone decide that despite your insistence, you really are fine and capable and intelligent and entirely capable of handling whatever comes along. Just where does the caregiver turn when care is needed?

    And yes, caregiver - in a sense - by occupation too. Certainly can't reach out to my colleagues for help, as this would destroy my professional credibility.

    No family
    No friends, outside of those connections through profession
    and lost in the darkness.

  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums.. I hope you find some comfort being here.. There are some really careiung people here..Take Care
  11. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hello again, still shattered, am pleased to see you back :)

    I do understand about finding the registration process problematic, but I think you are right when you say that all we can do is our best with what resources we have. I'm sorry you don't have access to crisis lines, although I don't use them myself, I know people who have found them really beneficial. This may be a stupid question, and if that's the case, please forgive me, but are there any public phones near where you live? I'm not sure whereabouts you are, but here in the UK we have public phones dotted around the area. I'm sure there must be some 'freephone' crisis line numbers.. well we have them here. I don't know.. it's just an idea. Also, I know the samaritans have a way to contact them via email, I don't know the address off by heart, but can find it for you if you're interested.

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter, husband and father. I can't begin to imagine how that must be, how you must feel. I imagine it must be a daily struggle though. You're right, appearances can be deceiving, and a lot of people don't see behind the mask. But.. you're still here. Through all of this that you have gone through, you are still here. And although you have probably heard it before, the fact you're still here shows me you have undeniable strength. I'm not saying it's easy at all, as I said I personally can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you, but you're still fighting. Please.. please continue to do so.

    And while I applaud your strength, by the sounds of it, others see it too, and come to you with their issues, come to you for support. That must be .. very difficult to cope with at times. When we are feeling so low ourselves, constantly having to look after others becomes a huge drain, and on occasion can make us forget to look after ourselves. Do you have friends that you can confide in? That you can tell about how you are feeling? By friends, I mean the people who come to you for support? Support isn't a one way thing, it's all about give and take, and you definitely deserve support too. You shouldn't to be going through this alone. I'm unsure from reading your post if you have tried seeing a medical professional about what is going on for you.. if you have, and have been refused help, please don't give up hope. Sometimes we need to push the issue a few times, before we get heard. No one can cope alone, no one should be expected to.

    I apologize if this reply is full of 'rambles' I'm sleep deprived which makes it harder lol. Anything I've written is wrote with the best intention. Please continue to keep posting, as and when you can. I hope you can find some of the support here that you deserve. If you need to talk or anything, feel free to PM me.

    Take care,
  12. mikelhaek

    mikelhaek New Member

    i agree that watching posts and such is a good idea but forums and chat should be seperate. just make it easy to ignore some one or something for new users. and at least tell users about being able to chat. its like if you sign up dont expect to be able to chat. cause that takes a while. after you make an account. and if you need some one to talk to. make an account with us then come back later.
    i was playing with the darn chat thing for almost 30 minutes tell i figured out that i can't chat because i am a new member.

    and as for me i do not have access to any phones. and because i live in a vary small area there are no public phones here and every shop is closed by 6 o'clock so the internet is my only choice.

    p.s. i don't mean to be rude in anyway. i appreciate that there are places like this and i look foreword to using your site in the near future. but found it a little annoying at first.
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