So pleased I’ve found this forum

[Lozza]

Hey

Phew I’ve been really struggling lately and am chuffed I’ve found the SF.

Struggle to be really honest with friends or my sister as I hate people that do stuff for attention and I always feel like if I were to say that my suicidal thoughts had increased lately, that it’s like attention seeking cos if you were truly suicidal then you’d just get on with it. But after past failed attempts I did promise my sister that if I ever felt like I was getting to that level of low again then I would tell someone. I don’t want to ring the crisis team and so voila I found myself signing up here.

Sorry I’m rambling. Just hi!

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way Lozza

I always feel like if I were to say that my suicidal thoughts had increased lately, that it’s like attention seeking cos if you were truly suicidal then you’d just get on with it

If someone is suffering and is having thoughts of suicide, asking for help and telling people what is going on is the healthiest possible reaction. It's no more attention seeking than calling the fire department if your home is on fire.

Feeling suicidal is both bad in itself and also very dangerous. It is a condition entirely deserving of medical attention and emotional support.

Sorry I’m rambling

It's ok, you're not rambling, please say more if you would like

 

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome, @Lozza

SF is a good place

 

[Walker]

Hey there, well we're sure glad you've made it here to chat with us.
Do you wanna tell us why you've googled your way on into our lives this morning?
See you around the boards, ok? Be safe and take care. We'll be on the lookout for ya

 

[Winter Blues]

hi Lozza, it’s great that you have found this site .. it’s truly fantastic and full of caring people who somehow make it easier for others to talk. Feel free to “ramble” - I do it a lot. I think it helps me talk. Are you close to your sister? Xx

 

[Petal]

Welcome to the forum, you have found a good place here, we will try and help you as much as possible, you are now a part of the SF family. We care about you. Keep posting and keep us updated, we don't think you are trying to grab attention, we understand those who are truly hurting. Don't worry what others think, Just be yourself and even if you think reach out is attention seeking, we all need some attention at time, i think that would be a fair statement would it not?

(hugs)

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Welcome aboard!

 

[Lotus]

Hey Lozza

Welcome to SF and our community, I'm glad you feel you can reach out here. It's not abnormal to feel how you're feeling and many of us here found this site in the same way you did. Because we felt we couldn't reach out irl. So let us share your burdens, laugh with you and share the bad times.

We're happy to have you!

 

[nobodyknows71]

Hey there @Lozza welcome to SF

 

[Lozza]

Wow thank you all for being so kind and welcoming!

Erm my partner died suddenly in May. Since 2012 we’ve lost suddenly my beautiful nephew Taylor who was only 10, my wonderful mum who was only 58, my sweet Grandad who had been ill so although still very sad it wasn’t a shock bless him and then my partner and then my Uncle. It’s been a lot.

I do have mental health issues - borderline personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, depressive psychosis and my cpn now thinks that I may also be suffering with ptsd. I woke up to my partner dead in bed next to me, I rolled over to give him a hug and he was so cold. I also saw my poor nephew blue in my mums arms whilst she was screaming, he died on arrival at the hospital.

I’ve also had problems with drug addiction. I got clean just before Christmas but used Thursday and Friday. I’m not doing it again. Whenever I stop using drugs I always go back to self harming. I self harmed a few weeks back for the first time in a long time.

I just feel lost and very lonely. I moved here to be with my partner and have only made 2 close friends as I struggle with new people. I always had my partner tho. Since I’ve lost him I’ve been so alone. I’m very close to my sister but she lives 450miles away and I hate to worry her, she’s been through enough with losing her son and my mum plus worries about me. She doesn’t need my nonsense y’know? The one thing that’s stopped me really making suicide a true option is my little dog Honey. We’re very attached to one another and it makes me upset to think of what would happen to her if I wasn’t here, who would she go to? What if some horrible person got her and she was hurt? Also if I tried suicide again then there can be no ‘try’ about it cos I couldn’t bear it if I failed to see my sister have to suffer with the results of my selfishness.

Sorry I’ve gone on again but just wanted to explain what brought me here. Hope that’s ok.

xx

 

[Angie74]

Welcome! This is a wonderful community.

 

[may71]

Wow thank you all for being so kind and welcoming!

You're welcome!

I just feel lost and very lonely

Understandably so. You've been through a lot of terrible losses and traumas.

borderline personality disorder

I've heard that DBT is supposed to be the best kind of therapy for BPD

I’m very close to my sister but she lives 450miles away and I hate to worry her, she’s been through enough with losing her son and my mum plus worries about me. She doesn’t need my nonsense y’know?

You may be underestimating how valuable you are to your sister. Yes, it can be difficult to support a loved one who is experiencing illness, but as long as you aren't leaning on her too hard, your presence may be exactly what she needs right now. You have the ability to understand and support her in the loss that she feels for your mum and her son perhaps better than anyone else. Maybe in her own mind she is thinking, "I wish she would live near me again, but she doesn't need my nonsense y'know?".

If nothing is holding you where you are now, and there would be value in living near your sister, I would encourage you to do so.

Just living near her doesn't put any burden on her, but it does give you the opportunity for you to see each other face-to-face if that's what you both want.

Getting emotional support from someone can actually be beneficial to both people and help build a stronger relationship. The problem only comes if you lean on someone too much.

You may be able to build a network of support that includes a therapist, a forum like SF, and any friends or other family members that you may have. That way you can spread your sources of support so there's always someone there when you need them, but you never put too much pressure on any one person.

You might also want to go to family therapy with your sister to help deal with some of your mutual losses, as well as work out how to make your relationship mutually supportive without becoming too overwhelming.

I'd recommend trying out acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine. It may be able to help with your conditions and also help you to get over your addiction. There's more info in my signature links.

Sorry I’ve gone on again but just wanted to explain what brought me here. Hope that’s ok.

That's not just ok, that's really good! Talking about what you really feel can help, and that's exactly what SF is for!

I sometimes go a little too far on the advice side of things, but I hope that something can help!

 

[sleeplessnights]

welcome... there are so many good people here to reach out to when youre in crisis mode...

 

[howiesmom]

I'm happy to hear you have made a promise you intend to keep with your sister. You're fortunate to have a family member walk with you through your pain. Welcome to the group.

 

[Innocent Forever]

Welcome to the family

 

[Walker]

Welcome! Sometimes it's the little things that can keep us hanging on until something good comes our way. Keep your head up.