So *Possibly triggers*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    So I'm sat with it in my hand for the first time in months. It feels good. Looks good. Bringing back lots of memories. And yeah, I know that tomorrow I'd regret it.....but for tonight....seems like a good idea. Main thing stopping me at the moment is the shirt I'm wearing tomorrow doesn't have full length sleeves. Don't want my Dad to see. He will be upset enough as it is.

    Talking of which...another funeral tomorrow. I might not have known him, but still, not the point really. I hate funerals, doesn't matter whos..always remember Nan's, always. And nearly always there is that fucking poem. Why the fuck did I have to read THAT one? Why couldn't I have picked one that I wouldn't be reminded of so much?! "Do not stand at my grave and weep......" :wallbash: :wallbash: :wallbash: And then, another fecking funeral on Thursday. :blub:

    Okay, this is stupid. I admit that. But what set me off was I found my Nan's brooch earlier...broken. I know it's stupid. But I don't have much of her stuff left anymore and that's one thing that I liked having. I brought her it on the way home from Ireland yeaaaaaars ago because it had a horse on it and she used to bet on horses everyday. Anyway, so my Mum tidied my room yesterday while I was out and I can only assume it was broken then....cos it was fine when I left my room Saturday morning and was broken when I got home last night. It pisses me off that she didn't even tell me she broke it. Am I the only one who cares anymore? :sad:
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I know my reply won't be welcome and i don't even know why i am replying. But i guess that i did care about your nan. I honestly did. I know how hard it was for you that day because i was there. It's not stupid i know how u feel about her things. I actually remember that brooch. I don't know what i was gonna achieve with this reply .... but .. meh ........... i know how you feel and it's not stupid.
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :cuddle2: loves you huni
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks for replying. It was welcome. :hug:

    Thanks em :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Sam

    Always here for you, :wub:
  6. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: Big hugs Sam..
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks Lynn :hug:

    Thanks Joe :arms:
  8. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I don't know how to stop myself anymore

    I put it down, out of sight, and just ended up picking it up again.

    Am sat holding it... :unsure:
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    well jus hold it then
    you havent done anything. that shows yopu how strong you sre. i dont even pause when i'm in taht frame of mind. its all very fluid.


    your a very strng person sam. hold it for as long as you need. but you dont need to cut :cuddle2:
  11. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    im trying sweetie, thank you :hug:
  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    remember: no thank you's or sorry's :mad:


  13. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni


    It's not stupid the feel the way you do and nobody has the right to make you feel that way. You are dealing with it as best as you can and although I don't know you all that well, from what I've read and seen around the forum you are doing an amazing job!

    How about to do something to take your mind of hurting urself? Listen to music, play a video/computer game, call a friend?

    I hope you start to feel better soon! :smile:

  14. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks hun :smile:

    I'm talking to a friend at the moment, and am also in chat and listening to music.

    Think I'm getting there slowly :smile:
  15. troubledprincess

    troubledprincess Well-Known Member

    sam we are all here for you huni *hug
  16. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thank you :hug:
  17. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Good to hear Sam! :smile:
  18. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    so much for feeling better :dry:
    stupid stuid stupid urges
    sod wanting to get the blade back
    sod feeling like this
    i hate it :dry:
  19. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Just as you started to feel better before, you can do it again! You can only have the energy to be angry and agitated for so long so let it pass! Please don't hurt urself - prove to yourself that you are so much better than that! :smile:
  20. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    sweetie be strong, i know its horrible when things with sentimental value get broken, and 2 funerals in one week sounds horrible. you'll be alright, holby tomorrow x