So question..why do people..?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Entity, Mar 3, 2011.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    Why do people turn on you once they find out you're gay? Or they don't talk to you the same anymore? What are the reasons behind this..i've been curious for quite some time now, it's like when i say yes i'm gay to people their whole expressions change, like they change their opinion about me or avoid me. Even my friends, some of them that are straight i'm not allowed at their sleepovers anymore and they won't ask me to help with their boy problems. I mean part of me doesn't really care, but the other part is just curious. So, how is it so different between once someone knows you're gay even though they've known you as a person for a while? Opinions are quite welcomed to be expressed freely
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Homophobia is so crippling and can be found in so many ways...also, different is scary to both situations, that is not giving them an excuse, but just supplying a context...people do that because they are under developed and sorry this happened to you...wait until they find out they are gay too (lol)...J
  3. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    lol Oh dear, most of my friends are all about how they're 100% straight and they always say 'straight *of course*' So that would be a sight lol
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Just like Sadeyes said, different is scary for most people. They don't know if this changes things, or if they're meant to act differently, or if you've changed yourself (and even worry that you might flirt with them!). When someone doesn't understand something they protect themselves by trying to distance themselves. They don't realise how hurtful this is to you, who hasn't changed at all and if anything need your friends even more now.

    For some people, homosexuality is upsetting; it doesn't fit in with their simple ordered view of the world - and therefore you don't fit either. In my experience (as a straight woman, btw) homophobics appear to have trouble empathising with other people, and therefore can't imagine how you must feel about their behaviour.

    Luckily, homophobia and this strange behaviour you mention can usually be cured with education. Make sure that you don't change the way you are and the way you behave, and they will see that you aren't any different and are still the same person they know and love.

  5. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    When my friend came out of the closet he seemed offended that i wasnt bothered in the slightest.....weird or what
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    bigger shock when it's your mother - trust me
  7. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Some Reasons:
    Ignorance, lack of character, insecurity about their own sexuality and the need to be accepted in group by repelling anything that is outside of the group norm.
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    They also turn on you when they find out you have mental illness. People are awesome, in general.
  9. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire Well-Known Member

    I've still yet to figure that out.. I do know that my school is very much against it. That and the scars on my wrists. That could be because it's a Catholic school. We were debating both subjects the other day in law class. It basically just ended with our teacher saying both are against our Catholic beliefs =\ I feel horrible for kids that have parents that force them into Catholic schools and leave them to face this discrimination. It doesn't bother me, but I'm sure it bothers many others.
  10. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Religion may have played its part but its no where near as important as you may think and its about time people start looking at other reasons for the discrimination against homosexuals. I would say most agnostics would discriminate Gays/Lesbians, their religion being heterosexuality
  11. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    There is something about the "unnatural" aspect of homosexuality that average people are viscerally opposed to, especially because humans in general have tended to be quite prudish and uncomfortable about sexuality in generally, let alone the "abnormal" kind.

    In any case, there has been growing acceptance and understanding of homosexuality, however piecemeal.
  12. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Agnostics worship heterosexuality? Are you high?
  13. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Lol. Yea, people are craptastic.

    I haven't really copped any slack for being gay. Everyone was like "Really? really? really? really?" when I told them I was(after they had asked me...).

    Some people even thought I was just saying it for the sake of it??? Who the fuck does that lol??? Some people are too fucking tied up in stereotypes.

    I attribute my 'non-recieving' of offensive remarks because I probly don't come off as gay. I'm very quiet. Reserved. I probly look as though I'll lunge forward and cut your eyes out....(I sometimes have a very 'stone cold' look on my face, it's unintentional).

    Plus I tend to be the fucking Switzerland in everything(the by-stander/spectator, I'm more inclined to watch and observe than to actually do something).

    That being said, ignorant comments directed at people OTHER than me still seem to have an effect.
  14. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    Yap in the context of what the OP wrote and the post I was commenting.
  15. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    People of all ages like to pretend homosexuality isn't natural or acceptable.
    There are many reasons for doing so,none of them valid and none of them will be able to supply you with the kind of satisfactory answer you seek.

    I just recently got turned on to Foucault while reading about the fetishizing of the hymen in Arabic societies.He wrote something (or many things....books actually) called "The History of Sexuality".
    the answer you seek may lie in the pages of one of his books,but again,do not expect your friends to be able of justifying themselves adequately.
    They cannot.

    Their unnatural position has no real meaning to life beyond the cohesive benefits of remaining "on message" within an abstract peer group.

    Nature has given you its blessing in your underpants,therefore you do not need one from mainstream society. :)
  16. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Actually, considering homosexuality as unnatural is based on ignorance and prejudice rather than a factual basis. While heterosexuality is the most common pattern in mammals, in many species, homosexuality appears as a perfectly normal and natural variation. Here is a main stream article on gay sheep.,9171,1582336,00.html
  17. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    Wastingecho, my mom is a lesbian. no shock. Trust me ;)
    and yes tiggersafire, and jota1, Religion will most definitely play a big part in it. Ignorance most of the time is just because one person believes one thing and is stuck on that belief and not open minded to learn about the other. A lot of people are ignorant about a lot of things in my opinion because they are afraid of change. Such as mental illnesses and homosexuality, but there are many others.
  18. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Many religions have an anti-homosexuality stance because they want to control people sexual behavior and increase the seize of their "flock". Catholicism has been pretty guilty on pushing a natalist agenda. And its not just about homosexuality. Not so long ago, in my country, the parish priest was touring the homes to make sure every women were pregnant every year. Lots of women were dying of it fairly young, their body wasted. Personally, I don't think that 5000 years of patriarchal religious BS has made us any happier, better, more compassionate and accepting of our differences. Why the urge to deny others the right to live their life authentically, in line with their inner truth? What does it take away from you that somebody sexuality differs than yours? I mean, frankly, it always puzzled me.
  19. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    very well put Marie. :hug:
  20. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    I still think that the old and tiresome story that religion is responsible for all the homophobia is less valid nowadays to the point that it becomes nonsense. I live in a mostly catholic area but people are either very moderate Catholics, non practicing or agnostic however there is still homophobia and its not coming from the church. There will always be homophobia because homosexuality will always be a minority.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2011