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So sad

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So i feel usless, and very sad. The thoughts hav ecome back with vengance. I lost a good psych as they change every 3 months. So i now will probabaly have someone new that doesnt care at all and wont have read my notes in my next session. I have serviere memory issues that are causing me to miis docs appoimtments then i get a letter saying if i miss anothe rthey will take me of the patients list at my surgery. I dotn now where to turn. I just cut myself again after 6 weeks and it felt so good, i am prob goign to d it agai. Bit deeper so deep the pain will take away my thoughts. I seem to have ups and downs, but i know this is a major down. I want to die tonight , maybe another overdose might help. I only have my Depresions meds so i dont kmow what is going to happen hopefully they wi help. I am feel like cutting my wrists again, but hopefully get it right this time. No point in going to A&E as they wont believe me and just send me home with a hlepline number. I need to be admited to teh psych ward. They say it wont help and i wont like it, bit i know it will at least stop me , or hep towards it. I want to die, no where to go. I am lonely i have tried to get better over teh last 2 months i have been going out, all the time seeing friends even tried dating girls, but i dont know how to tell them i am interested as i am too shy to make that move. I am selling all my possessions, all the thig si used to enjoy. I dont use them anymore. I have stacks of films and Video Games still in their wrapper. I hope i survive, the pain is too much. Sorry if there are spelling mistakes and a jumble, i just need to get my feelings out. In anyway i can i have no one to talk too. i am soo lonely and fed up. I try to be better and i cant, i am weak and useless wil never amount to anything. Oh and to top it off on ebig thing that is worrying me is i have a citation to be a potencial jury in court. I can appeal and say i am ill and get people to write a letter. But they prob wil still call me t be there. I cant cope with that , how can i sit in public feeling like this. I am too scared to go outdoors, i need help Pleasee i am going to die tonight, decided. I just want to sleep and never wake up ever
Please don't do anything! I'm here if you need to talk, I'm in exactly the same position as you with no one recognising that I'm depressed and suicidal, we can make it through together and get the help and support we need not only from a medical view but from each other! Xxx
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