I am feeling so sad at the moment its getting harder and harder everyday im smilling cus I don't want my family to know just how bad I feel. Everythings just getting way too much and i just want to go to sleep and not wake up. my marriage is falling apart i can see it hes cheating but denies it (been there too many times n no all the signs) i hate this lie why wont he just go and leave me instead of putting me through this time and again and then lie about it? he doesn't want me theres no love left but he doesnt want anyone else to want me not that i want anyone or him anymore i just want to be on my own. i cant leave as my aged parents live right accross the road n theyre very ill n my autistic son lives a few doors down so cant leave because of them he wont go he just wants to make my life a misery so whats the point in going on? To make things worse ive had cancer twice had a 6 year gap inbetween each one the 6 years are up again and ive lost a stone and half in 5 weeks even though I wasnt overweight, im feeling exhausted and sick and it feels like ive got it back I had biopsies taken that came back inconclusive as the Dr didn't do it right so they want me to have it again I havn't been back and ive no intention of having more tests i said after last time that was it if it comes again it can take me not fighting it no more so now im in limbo do i just take these pills get in bed and go to sleep or make myself suffer more and hope the cancer is back n it takes me this time? which would be better for my family i wonder the quick way or the watching me fade?