the last little while tonight I've become increasingly sad and distressed. Earlier today I was going to dispose of meds I had stockpiled, now I am glad I didn't get around to doing that, its like my back up plan or something equally as stupid. I miss people a lot. I miss those I loved and love. I have no one. I don't want these feelings, I don't want all this anxiety. I don't want to do what I have to shortly. I can't deal with reality it seems. I've tried. I feel though I'm getting somewhere and then splat. Feels too overwhelming this second.