So scared *trigger warning*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Songie, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I'm out in KY visiting my dad and this is where my rape happened. I've seen the guy that did it multiple times now (David) and...well, when he raped me (7 years ago, when I was 10) he had a thing for razor blades, or moreso using them against me. And a few days ago he broke into my house and cut me up really bad. I have 7 deep cuts on my side and about 15 on my chest...I'm scared and I just want to die. I don't see the point in living anymore...not when I'm going to have to go through this pain. Everyone has always told me that a couple years after it happened I would be able to deal with it better...but it hasnt been like that for me. I've been to multiple counselors, tried all kinds of therapy, been on god only knows how many different medications...and I'm still terrified and the thought of him. I just want to watch my blood pool on the bathroom floor...I just want to die. Someone help me please...
     
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: oh man, i just want to give you a hug right now! have you told your dad about this hun? if not, you really should, and report him to the police! you deserve help and happiness and above all a safe place to be! it does take a long time to get passed this, and for now, you should be able to get the help to allow you to do that. please talk to the police hun! :heart: thinking of you
    triggs xx
     
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey .. uv been through so much .. like triggs said u need 2 tell some1 straight away .. what hes done/doing isnt right .. ppl can stop him if u let them .. u have 2 find the strength 2 tell some1 about this .. please :hug:
    im thinking of u also .. please stay safe and tell some1 .. x
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Agreed, you really need to talk to your dad, or if not him, the police or someone you can trust. You shouldn't have to live in fear forever.
     
  5. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I want to talk to someone so bad...but I'm so scared...if they dont get to him fast enough...and if he gets to me...I have enough memories to live with already...and I dont want that to happen again. i dont think I could handle it if he raped me again...it nearly destroyed me last time...I dont think I could live through it again...I honestly dont. And I dont know if my dad would believe me...he already knows about David raping me. But no one (except my boyfriend, Shane) knows that he had a thing for razor blades. And...I had a cutting problem for a really long time...and I'm scared that my dad will think im lying and that I'm just cutting again and dont want to admit it. I dont know what to do here...I'm so scared...and I feel so alone...because no one in my family can really understand what I'm going through right now. I mean, they know it was horrible...but they dont understand the flashbacks and the nightmares and the humiliation...I dont know what I should do...I'm so damn scared...and...David knows where I live...and that kills me....I dont know....maybe it would just be easier to die.
     
  6. PokerDonkey

    PokerDonkey Active Member

  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to call the police.. If you let him get away with this then he will be back for more because he knows he has control over you..Don't hesitate call the police now.. Tell them you are in fear for your life..
     
  8. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    hmmm,

    im not quite sure i understand this.
    your dad knows he raped you. hes raped you twice.
    why in the world didnt your dad do something about it ?? im not sure what differance razor blades would make to your dad, if davids raped you already.

    i guess what puzzles me is the fact that your dad did nothing when he found out.
    i understand where women that get raped fail to report it to anyone, because of fear and shame.
    im not trying to sound insensitive or not understanding, but im just kinda puzzled by this.

    odie
     
  9. neno1

    neno1 Well-Known Member

    Songie, the best thing u can do is contact the POLICE right away and report him, that will give u the most amazing sense of getting urself back, I personally know what u r going through, but not violently - I myself am a victim of abuse, Im vocal about it.

    U have got to this stage of asking for help, stay here with us and we will help u,

    I agree, u have to tell ur dad, u have to tell, fear is contained in secrets, remove the secret by talking and it does take away the fear.

    by telling ur dad, u will be protecting urself and some-one else to protect u,

    if u need to chat sweetie, send me a message, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to tell the police and your father. Yell it if you have to but tell him how frightened you are and you need protection If you need to call the emergency dept of the hospital and tell them what is happening and that you feel unsafe that you feel like your going to harm yourself. They will put you in hospital where it will be safe away from the house your in. In hospital no one can harm you YOu can tell social worker doctors there and they can help you call police and keep you safe. Please call for help please.
     
  11. neno1

    neno1 Well-Known Member

    listen to mary, she has good advice, u need to shout and scream to protect urself, u have to shout and scream sweetie, please, please, please, xxxxxxxx
     
  12. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Well they found out about him breaking in and cutting me up..."they" being my dad, aunt karen and 2 cousins...well, I told one of my cousins and he told everyone else...and now they are hiding all of the razors and shit from me because they thing I'm cutting...they said I was lying...because David lives an hour away from me and they say that it isnt possible...i knew they wouldnt believe me. GOD DAMMIT!!! Sorry, im a bit frustrated at the moment...
     
  13. rich_uk

    rich_uk Member

    I have a 10 yr old daughter, I can safely say that if some guy raped my daughter there's no way he'd doing anything to her again, he would be, at the least, in a wheelchair, if he was even still breathing. You need to take your feelings out on this bastard not on yourself, sounds like you've suffered enough, it should be him suffering now not you. Get some money together and get this guy sorted. Sorry if this isn't helpful, it just boils me up inside, I fuckin hate abusers.
     
  14. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    *hugs Rich_UK* Thank you so much! I know its weird but your reply helped me feel alot better. Thank you!!!!!
     
  15. eggeater

    eggeater Member

    One of my friends got rapped twice by two different sick boys and i tell you if i even got hold of them i'd rip their f*cking heads off :mad:
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If they don't believe you then find someone who will the police. Go to hospital and talk with rape coucillor there and they will believe you they will get you the councilling you need. The hell with all of them you know what happened and fff them all report his ass get him locked up so he doesn't harm anyone else i know what is it like please know we believe you.
     
  17. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Sandra,

    My advice would follow everyone elses. I would call the police (you have physical proof he did it) I would tell your father and mother, or gaurdian. Also, I wouldn't visit your father anymore. Have him come to you. Y ou need to really tell someone this, other then us. Because if it was up to us, I think half of us would kill him if we had the chance. You can message me if you ever need to talk.

    Be safe,

    Ronnie
     
  18. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Thanks everybody. And yeah...Im leaving Kentucky in about 2 days...going back to Oregon. I think some people may have misunderstood what I said earlier. This guy raped me when I was 10 but the other day when he broke in, he didnt rape me again...he just cut me up really bad. Yeah, he would have raped me...but someone else in the house was waking up so he left...lucky for him, cuz I had gotten ahold of a phone and my boyfriend was on his way over...and if Shane (my boyfriend) had gotten there before he left...well, he probably wouldnt have left at all. But yeah...just wanted to clear that up and let you all know that Im getting the hell outta here. Im sorry to say it...but I cant go to the police...I cant go through trying to report it again. Last time I did they mysteriously lost my report. Its bullshit. And the way the cops talked to you...its like they know that your lying and they're just waiting for you to admit it. And then...idk...having to go over every detail of it with someone that I barely know...I cant do that again...I just cant...
     
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