So scared!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by butterfly12274, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    I just know it, I'm going to get drunk tonight, going to a party, but whenever I get as freaking scared as I am like right now I just want to drink it all away, I know it's gonna happen, ffs, why don't I have a shrink, k, I admit, I have a problem, now get rid of it! Getting mad I think, there's nothing threatening, yet, aargh! I feel like killing myself tonight, with all the booze, it won't kill me though, I know it but I'll likely try it anyway. WHY! I musn't kill myself because certain people asked me not to. :( I do want to though, but, aw :'(

    I couldn't just tell my parents now could I?8!
     
  2. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    im sorry you feel this way
    please keep seeing past these suicidal thoughts
    and people obviously care about you if they have actually asked you not to kill yourself.
    keep thinking of them people and all the good in your life yeah?

    please keep safe tonight :hug: thinking of you

    i hope you have a good night. relax and enjoy yourself
     
  3. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    okay, last night went okay
    Even though I nearly freaked out by seeing a red spot on the dance floor, I didn't get drunk. Phew, only took 4 shots of brandy, no more.
    And the feeling of being scared of the red spots, the flashing lights, the ultra loud music, the glowing teeth of the others, somewhat layed down a bit. Especially when someone told me those red spots on the floor were just beer! (hey it was pretty dark in that room).

    Apart from getting scared from nothing all the time I did manage to more or less think positive, so thx.
    But why do such silly things scare me? I now even nearly freak out when I'm riding my bike down a dark road. Or simply things that've moved. I'm not going mad, I don't want to go mad. Hence I'm fighting it off by repeating (though not calmly) "I put that there, I just forgot about it, no big deal, no problem, it's okay, it's okay, ..."
     
  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    glad to hear you had a good night :)

    im not such why we get scared by things. maybe your anxiety is just a problem you have to work with and find positive ways to deal with that?

    i have problems with anxiety/paranoia etc. im on meds to calm me down and i just try to keep myself busy and distracted so i cant focus on the negative thoughts.

    you're not mad nore are you going mad. we all have problems that we have to work through. so dont worry :) you're not alone in feeling like this and you will get past it :hug:
     
  5. butterfly12274

    butterfly12274 Well-Known Member

    Hmm... I'd love to get past it :)
    I really need a shrink though, so I can scream out to him. I can at least try to see if I can reshape my mind into something functional again. The original design simply wasn't very succesful in this world so I just need to make a new mind and then everything will be fine.
    And if I can't make a new mind I'll just have to do with being dead. But until then I freaking most definitely should get a psychologist (though then I'd be breaking my dayly routine)

    Well, at least we are going through it together eh. :) With the difference that I can't cope without even having any real problems, i.e. I have no coping resources whatsoever. The current mind just tries to find a grip, some support, at the most totally wrong spots, thus ending up in having no backing at all.

    Though, hey, I love you guys! I love everyone, but I so very much would want a shrink, i.e. someone irl to talk to as my buddies simply are total ... in helping me. Like me, they too are too bleeding busy with themselves.
    Hence I'll at the very least say I love you guys and appreciate your support, I love you guys, I do, you're the greatest, take care, it's all okay! It's gonna be alright! It'll all work out and we'll have a great (hysterical) laugh thinking back of how we were right now, wouldn't we. Oh yes, yes. I love you guys.
     
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