so scared

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Jan 18, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have not been able to pay my mortgage for the last 4 months, unemployed for 6 months, probably going to lose my house, no where to go, I am a failure, I deserve to die, so ashamed.
  2. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    I've lost my home too, will have to leave in the next few months. I know how you are feeling.

    Big hug yorkie
  3. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    dont be ashamed. i am also in financial difficulties. i may get a temp census job if i pass the test.
  4. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I've also lost a home...and everything that goes with it.
    I was so ashamed. But now looking back on it, I did what I could and that was the best I could do.
    I know its a bad situation but in the long run it was quite the adventure.
    Hope all goes good for you.
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Those of you who have been through this, how did you get through it? Where are you going to live? Any advice? I feel like I am going to crack, I have never ever felt this ashamed, my life up until losing my job was pretty great in terms of managing my finances, and being responsible. I feel so lost! please help.
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You know-- alot of people have these problems. It's hard not to feel ashamed when things like this happen... not having any money makes you feel like crap, unfortunately... but *know* that these things happen.
    I moved out of my first apartment before I was going to be evicted- and moved back in with my mother. It made me feel so ashamed and ridiculous. I wanted to be responsible, but I messed up. <learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again in the future-- that's all we can do.

    I suppose you need to get your things sorted out... if you're not sure what you need to do; you may be able to call social services and talk with a financial councilor to get the proper steps right? They deal with people in this situation all the time- so don't be afraid to talk with them about it. They're there to help you.
  7. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    You are not alone in your problems. I have a full time job and I'm barely making ends meet. I'm just a paycheck away from living on the streets. That doesn't make you or anyone else a failure.

    It just makes you human. With the economy the way it is nowadays, your story is an all too common one.

    Just hang in there.
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I just feel so helpless, and afraid to tell anyone in my life what is going on, instead I just find it easier to plan a way to die then have to admit the truth to the people who love me, I have never been this scared before. I am losing everything, how did I let this happen? And, why can't i fix it? I am at the end of my rope, literally. The tiniest thing is liable to push me over the edge.
  9. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    i am sorry swimmergirl that this is happening to you. When it happened to me i was petrified and deeply ashamed; i am ashamed still, the shared reality is not kind to people sometimes. It was amazingly hard and grim to phone the bank that held my mortgage and ask to speak to some one about my current financial mess. i expected the conversation to go very badly. I thought i'd get screamed at and lectured at and have to hear the disgust in yet another someone's voice. But it didn't happen like that. I got a lot of help from the bank officer, he said they prefered people to phone as soon as they could, as soon as they recognized that things were out of control because the bank really dosen't want to have have to forclose any more than i would want to loose my home. But i had waited too long and done so little to help myself that i did ended up with nowhere to go.
    Looking back, 'cause obviously i did get through it, i think it would hve been better to deal with the day to day practical issues even if i had no way to deal with the emotional stuff. It would have been good to make some lists of concrete issues and ideas and read and re-read them. I got a bit way muzzy and disoriented and the lists might have helped me keep closer to what actually going on. What i mean was i was so withdrawn by the date of my foreclousure that i hadn't packed a suitcase or even counted out what little cash i had.

    Once it was inevitable that i would be forced out, i belive i could have priortized what i did with my money differently. I'd been trying to keep paying the bills, chasing after an illusion of honor, when i should have been saving absoutely every penny i could have gleaned from the overwhelming mess every time i could. I would have been better off selling whatever of my belongings that i could, as opposed to just letting them be dumped in the street with no way to move, store, or use them. I wish i had thought to rent a mail box from some where i could walk to and it would have been wise to have found a good place to hide the dollars i had, (i was robbed and never even knew until long after it happened and i had nothing,) and bought good shoes. It was cold and wet and my shoes were not up to the need~ frost bite and misery, good shoes were really important.

    Living as long as i did on the streets wasn't good. I think i should have gone to a shelter or the human services office instead of just letting it all go and waiting to die. Maybe a church. It set me back years and years and sometimes still i am held under by all that. I should hav told my family, they found out anyway and then were even angryier, and i still didn't have any words to explain what and when and why it all happened. Not telling them only made it worse. Still i get to hear about how i 'betrayed' and shamed them, and lied about it by ommission.

    But it really can get better and things will certainly change and then change again.

    so, what are your priorties?

    what do you wish would happen,
    what do you think might happen,
    what's the worst that could happen and
    what can you do to prepare/faciliate for all of the above?
    i cannot be there to help you, but i am here to listen and care about what you are going through,
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Please dont feel ashamed :hug: seems the world and all of us are going to hell in a hand basket!
    Never know where the next penny is coming from and how I'm going to meet the bills.
    Sometimes the worst happening can be a relief, at least it gives u a clean slate.
    Are u in the UK have small room if u need it :hug:
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