Next month I have an appointment at a medical clinic to see how much of my life they can save. I have a non-life threatening condition, though ironcally this "non-lethal" condition is what brought me to this place. I feel that I may never find love the way things have gone the last 9 years. I`m not even sure the doctors can really help me and I`m going to have to wait for over a month before they can see me. All I can do now is wait. And I`m tired of fighting it. I can`t cope with this suffering anymore. Needless to say my alcoholism has gone through the roof. Made me wonder... what is actually worse? A lethal condition (that obviously kills you) or a non-lethal condition that makes you want to kill yourself...?