So sick of pretending

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Madam Mim, Nov 10, 2011.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm so tired of pretending that I'm ok, that I'm not depressed and constantly thinking of suicide. Everything should be great, but it's not, and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm more ill than people realise, I'm so sick of being in pain, and I'm running out of reasons to live.

    I wish I was at home, I have my method pretty much ready and waiting there, and I can't even self harm here. I'd promised that I'd live until at least the end of my degree, but all I can't think about is suicide. This is no life.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are right hun ruminating about suicide takes up so much energy , i hate it too I do hope you talk to someone at the school okay talk get some help to stop those thoughts so you can use the energy for other things okay hugs
  3. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hey Madam Mim.

    You say that you can't keep pretending anymore. For who do you have to pretend? People at school? Friends? Parents?

    Maybe telling a little more about how you are hurting on the inside to people you trust will help. It's a living hell to walk through life without people knowing about how much you suffer. (Even a good, warm therapist can help a lot).

    Take care.
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    pretending life is ok when its not, sucks right? :spaz:
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I have to hide from everyone, except for one friend who knows the truth, and my counsellor, who I've been seeing for over two years now but it doesn't help anymore.

    My family are the worst, they have no idea and seem to expect so much from me. I just can't be bothered with it anymore. I just don't care.
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