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so sick...

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Lady Byron

Well-Known Member
I'm so sick of being wallpaper. No one ever notices me... and I hate my family. I am trying really hard to think positive thoughts, but it's hard. And I want, no need to cut, but I'm so proud of myself for not cutting for three months! But... I'm still not happy. It's like everything was going great and then it was ripped from me, all of it. It sucks. My mom always tries to make me feel bad. Today I went to a 7-Eleven to get some soda and my brother came with me and he got a slurpee. And I felt bad because I have a younger brother and sister and cousin (but I hate her) and so my brother went back and got my siblings some starburst and he didn't get anything for our cousin and I was like, "Fuck it, she's a bitch." and we left. Well, that meant my mom bitched at me and tried to make me feel bad. But when I do share or get stuff for my cousin and brothers and sister they never even say thanks. They just expect me to get them something. And when I'm being totally unselfish, my mom... Urgh... I really hate her sometimes. My whole family makes me feel worthless. Like I'm nothing. My mom should be proud, I have never done drugs, never had sex, never gotten drunk, I do good in school... what more does she expect from me. She always says to try my best, well what the fuck does she think I'm doing? I'm just working my ass off trying to be perfect for her and all I get is, "Oh... Adriana you're so selfish." or "Adriana, you need to do this." Why not just tell the truth and tell me everything sucks and I'm a total failure as a daughter and a total failure at everything... I'm so sick of life. Of not having one... of not having the life I want and know I can have... but everything is holding me back... maybe I should... nah... never mind...
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Hey there! You are SO right to be proud about not cutting for 3 months! It's a really great achievement, and I know it takes a lot of strenght!
I am sorry to hear that your family brings you down. I hope it helped a bit to rant here tho.

Take care and please keep us updated about how you're doing!
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